Power. Parenting is all about knowing how much power you have, and when, and where.

Oh, was that too sudden? I don’t show up for what, three months and just drop out of nowhere and start ranting about power-play in parenting?

I know how to alliterate, if nothing else.

Ok, so how’s everyone (everyone being YOU two there, still lurking around. I am pretty sure there are one or two other blogs out there more worth your time than this derelict that should be called a…webpage, not a blog)?

Ugh. Cringe. God. Haven’t heard that in a while.

What’s been happening with me? Let’s see:

1) My photography business is doing well, which is why you haven’t seen my sorry ass around. I have a Facebook page to maintain and a website and of course, the business of actually taking and processing the photographs, so yes, it’s been distracting.

2) I’ve also been busy working out. I’ve lost 22lbs so far, knock on wood. I know! It’s like I’ve gone insane.

3) The girls are growing up, fast. Skyler is able to dress herself now although this morning she put her panties on sideways and walked around for a few hours with one butt cheek hanging out because she’d put her right leg into her waist hole. Raeven is joining the presidential race in 2012. 

4) Lokes is good. We’re good. Which is always good.

5) We have plans to go back to Malaysia summer 2009. Yay!

I know I should probably write more but life is much more interesting these days. 

Although I was inspired to blog today because last night, in bed, I had this amazing old feeling I used to have, lying there in the dark. It was really strange and I’d wanted to write about it. 

But not now. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll tell you about this time of my life when the smells and sounds of night made me alive. Sort of like a vampire.

Or maybe I’ll talk more about parent power.

A few days ago, at our preschool’s Parent Ed night, we were taught the four styles of parenting, something I’d gone through two previous times when my older daughter was at a co-op.

You know, the whole Helicopter/indulgent parent, the Drill Sergeant/Authoritarian (Asian) parent, the Skeleton/Indifferent parent and the nirvana of good parenting, the Authoritative parent who’s loving but firm, who knows how to set boundaries but also allow the slow, transfer of power from parent to child, and so on.

As we went through our notes, I could not help but notice the so-called negative results of the other three styles in my first child. Self-centeredness, because sometimes Lokes can be too indulgent. An inability to deal with failure, because sometimes I can be too hard on her with the rules. Insecurity, because perhaps I don’t pay enough attention to her feelings. 

However, she was also a confident child, top of her class and has many friends, my Raeven. These were the results of good parenting – an Authoritative parent. 

And then it dawned on me.

This class is for my parenting of Skyler, my second child – not Raeven. Not that it matters but I was surprised I was actually thinking more of Rae than I was of Sky when it came to “behavioral challenges”.

Skyler really has nothing in the first three columns mainly because perhaps it’s still too early to tell. She IS confident, because she’s never cried a day in class, even from the first day I’d dropped her off. She is very trusting of her teacher, the other co-op parents, her friends. She is easy-going and secure. 

I began thinking about my parenting styles with both my kids. And the parenting styles of my parents.

As the older sibling, I’d always been subjected to unrealistic standards by my own parents and even though I knew they meant well, it was hard to take as a kid. Luckily for me, I have a great younger sister and with time, the value of my tough upbringing gave me the tools I needed to deal with life and love. Still, I have my flaws. I can be self centered. I don’t like to fail and sometimes don’t admit to my mistakes. I am insecure.

I was also top of my class in school (I have a 4.0 GPA in my two semesters of college last winter and spring) and popular.

Raeven and I are so much alike, although Lokes’ and my parenting style and my parents’, are so different.

This makes me wonder how much really is genetic and how much of it can we change and nurture as parents, these traits and flaws. And why are both my kids so different since my parenting style is the same with both of them.

Or am I just seeing what I want to see? 

In any case, I know I am doing some things right, and there are some things I need to correct before it’s too late (like when she’s 12 and will call me on my dorkiness – “Why are you acting all weird, Mom? Oh, don’t tell me. It’s a parenting class thing.” *roll eyes*).

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Innocence flitting

We celebrated Halloween a tad early this year when the wind, once again, blew our power out. The girls put on their brand new fairy wings and tutus and danced up a (or should I say another) storm. And brought our power back after 20 mins.

This is what we get up to when the power's out

Hubby has a surprise for me tonight, taking me somewhere mysterious and, hopefully, very expensive.

:)

ps. Did you notice the new muted green walls? We painted them a few weeks ago. The gaudy-awful orange got a bit much after two years.

Inspired by Stefan Sagmeister’s TEDtalk, I have decided to make this post on things I’ve learnt in life so far:

1. Fair or not, beauty has its uses. The need and want for symmetry in our lives make us both human and terrible beings. 

2. It is better to love someone more than they love you because you will always be the better person.

3. It is far better to forgive but not forget, than to forget but never forgive. 

4. Exercise every day of your life. There is nothing better than fresh air coursing through your veins, sweat and muscular pain.

5. Nothing you do will change your children but they will change you. 

6. Some people are really not meant to be parents. It is sad they often find out too late.

7. Education is only for perception because people and corporations are too busy to learn to trust you the old-fashioned way – through comradeship.

8. Learning to unplug is perhaps the biggest challenge mankind will have to undertake in the future.

9. Perfect pancakes do not need PAM on a Teflon-coated saucepan.

10. It is possible to trust an idiot and not know it.

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Fall is here!

I for one am glad it’s getting chillier. Look at those gorgeous colors!

Lokes was watching CNN online and suddenly, up floated two female voices discussing some celebrity news, and they were talking about the stars of Desperate Housewives. I’m not a big fan but what caught my attention was that apparently, Felicity Huffman (whom I adore from Trans America) had called Eva Longoria fat.

Seriously CNN, this is news? Someone calling her friend fat?

On and on they went about how disrespectful the word “fat” was and how Eva is far from fat (duh!) and they even had someone who made plus-sized clothes talk about the implications of the “F” word, how demeaning and rude the word is and how it sets us back like a thousand years when, what? Fat was in? Come the hell on.

Firstly, speaking for my people, we are AWARE we’re fat. Not using the word in front of us does not make a damn difference. You can call me fat in front of my face and I really don’t give a damn because it’s the truth.

Secondly, calling someone like Eva fat is funny. Are you guys really that idiotic NOT to see it for the joke it is? Have you all lost your damn minds to make such a big fat hairy deal of it? It was said in jest because EVERYONE knows it’s NOT true. It’s like calling Bill Gates funny or Gandhi selfish. 

IT’S A WORD, BITCHES. GET OVER IT.

The reason why those women don’t find it funny is because if someone ever called any of them twigs fat they would simply stop eating for a month or go hurl into the nearest latrine. 

Let’s hope Eva is more secure than these idiots. 

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So Lokes and I decided it was high time the girls watched Star Wars.

And with all good things, we started from the very beginning. And the beginning was A New Hope.

We popped some corn and actually sat through the entire movie. There were a few run-and-hide moments; when the Jawas zapped R2D2 (Sky: Mommy, is the robot dead?).

When the sand people knocked Luke unconsicous (Sky: Mommy, is the boy dead?)

When Obi-Wan fought Darth Vader.

When the trash compactor’s walls closed in.

But at the end of it, both Rae and Sky sat riveted as Luke paid attention to the Force and slipped the photon torpedoes into the exhaust and blew the Death Star up.

When the credits started rolling, Skycried, asking for more.

Here are more quotable quotes from the girls.

Skyler, on Darth Vader: He’s so very black, mommy.

Raeven, on Obi-wan: Why is that grandpa fighting Darth Vader?

Raeven, on TIE-fighters: Do they eat Thai food?

Raeven, on Chewbacca: Why did Princess Leia call him a walking carpet?

Can’t wait for next Friday when we watch The Empire Strikes Back!

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