Yes, it’s really me!
Hi Random People Doing Weird Searches and Comment Spambots,
Gosh, I haven’t blogged in such a long time it feels weird to be sitting here wondering what to write about. Wait, what are you doing here anyway? What am I still doing on your RSS feed? Actually it’s because I was cleaning up my Google Reader did I actually remember I still had a blog. Poor blog.
It’s not that I’ve stopped being imperfect or being a mom, just that I don’t really feel like writing about motherhood anymore. I’ve never really grasped why people would want to read about my mundane goings-on or look at pics of my kids pretending to be the best kids in the world when they really are just most of the time NOT listening or wanting to eat their veggies and NOT wanting to pick up their toys, just like everyone else’s kids.
I guess I SHOULD do a little update once in a while, for the benefit of you. Yes, you, mom. And dad. And See Ming.
Rae will be seven in three months. Gosh, what can I say about Rae that doesn’t end up being some cathartic revelation on the stress of having a high maintenance kid. She’s everyone’s dream guy – smart, sensitive, silently brooding. Sky is almost 4 and a half. She’s into Power Puff Girls these days and will walk around kungfuing total strangers (in a cute, not-annoying-at-all-way, of course). She’s still our little foodie, always interested in what’s on your plate.
I am still on my weight loss journey, although I’m not very motivated these days. Lokes is still sickeningly thin. And yes, still doing my photography. And that’s it.
Well, I’ll think of something better tomorrow, hopefully. Or maybe it’ll be another six months, who knows?
Herstory
I am amazed and humbled at people like Paula, who have suffered so much and yet are able to just tell the world their stories, not for pity’s sake but because they understand that there is nothing to be ashamed of. We all make mistakes, we all do wrong, we all feel shame and fear and pain.
The Internet, especially, is filled with hateful people (Google blogher+Dooce) who may or may not be as bad as they portray themselves to be in real life because hey, it’s the Internet, where it’s much harder to resist saying what you think, than you think.
Try telling someone in the face though, now that’s courage AND honesty. People (ironically, people who aren’t even involved) just can’t handle it. They Freak. Out.
Or maybe it’s just another Saturday night in San Francisco for all I know.
Boy I’m glad I’m not as serious about blogging than I used to be.
No no, I’m also lazy but I’m also not as serious.
I need to get fired
This month, I celebrate five years blogging, on and off (of which the three of you are fully aware).
I’m not sure if I’ve ever been any good but I do know that most of you are my friends or friends of friends or just people who’ve made some cheeky Googles and have accidentally landed on my blog (sorry!) but here’s the thing: I just can’t turn a profit with this blog thing (without PPProstituting, begging your pardon, dear friends on the take).
Should I post more pictures of me and my fake white teeth? Perhaps a little more cleavage? What?
I dunno. I read Dooce and I just don’t see people flocking to read my daily forays into (failed) potty-training or to catch more cute kidspeak (they are adorable but have no literary quality whatsoever) and I’m certainly not getting a couple of dogs (I just cleaned the bathrooms today – there’s already enough hair without pets).
I mean, that’s 400+ comments right there, about dog hair, if it were Dooce’s dogs’. I guess when you’re the pioneer of an American revolution, you deserve 400+ comments even if it’s only dog hair. Makes me wish I had a job just so I can get laid off for blogging too.
Plus I just checked out Blogher’s directory of Mommy blogs. I am four pages deep under “T”. Why do I even try?
So, more naked pictures then?
Wordpress and tag love
Woohoo, tags. Can I work that SEO or what.
Turns out my last theme doesn’t support WP2.3 so I had to change it. And my host hasn’t provided their nifty one-click Wordpress upgrade to 2.5 yet but I’m cool. I don’t need to be current.
No really, I don’t.
House status: Disaster zone since the girls are up and about. Knocking things down. Pouring stuff on the carpet. Singing. Screaming. Scream-singing. It’s like my whole last week of posts never happened. To think I was praying for normal.
My status: Tired but relieved. And wondering what the heck I’m going to do with that big tube of Nupercainal.
A marriage is a sacred union between two people. A wedding? Not so much.
I just received an email from a Malaysian couple who’s taking their wedding blog to a whole new level (ah, the perks of being ‘famous’ – more spam).
This is how it went:
As blogs continue to gain popularity and credibility, two bloggers from (blog URL) are aiming to have the first fully sponsored wedding in Asia (turns out it’s in Malaysia). The bloggers are offering free publicity for any company that chooses to sponsor their wedding.
C and his fiancée M, are two influential bloggers from the largest blogging networks and understand that often blogs are a go-to source for consumers. The blog serves as an information source for future brides and grooms, with the couple sharing details on how to find great wedding deals.
With a wedding planned in December, the groom-to-be and the bride-to-be blog about companies that have helped finance their wedding event via Paypal (how they get their money is itself a business since Malaysians can’t withdraw money from their Paypal accounts).
In addition to writing about these companies, the couple includes a sponsor’s logo on their blog. Sponsors of the wedding include (list of sponsors).
"With the winter wedding season under way, and couples planning for their 2008 weddings, many future brides often turn to the internet, especially our blog, for advice," said the bride-to-be. "Companies who choose to sponsor our wedding will gain exposure for their organization from a global audience, as well as an increase in traffic to their Web site."
It took me a moment to digest what I was reading since I was neither
a) an Internet savvy bride-to-be; or
b) a company that could sponsor something unless what they wish for is a free lesson in What Not To Do To Cheapen Thy Wedding, in which case, here you are – my heartiest congratulations.
But I am glad their email found me because now I have something to blog about that’s not about nothing.
Firstly, a summary on how a typical traditional Malaysian Chinese wedding goes (you’ve not seen cookie-cut until you’ve seen one of these):
1. Couple determines budget. Traditionally, Chinese weddings are big budget events that are expensed to the bride’s family, who in turn receives a sizeable dowry from the groom’s family in the form of gold, jewellery, a barbecued pig, a nice big house, so on and so forth. These days, such formalities are often just that – the cost of the gold, the bling, the pig, are shared by both families or even by the couple themselves. In the case of C and M, their wedding will be paid off by sponsors, who in return receive mentions in the former’s wedding blog. Ingenious, no? A little tasteless, but what do you expect from a couple of pro-bloggers? Monetizing is in their blood, they’d say.
2. Couple determines auspicious date using birth dates and birth times and perhaps even conception times to ensure health, wealth, fertility and a long and happy marriage.
3. Couple consults with parents (living and dead) on appropriateness of date.
4. Couple makes invite list with parents (only living) to determine how many tables of guests to book. This is also a great time to make some projections about future earnings from ang pow or ‘red packets’, which are little red or pink gift envelopes containing money – a timeless tradition. The going rate these days, I believe, is RM50 per person (correct me if I’m wrong), AT LEAST, depending on how ‘classy’ the restaurant where the wedding dinner will be held is, which determines the going rate per table. Each table typically seats ten. If it costs RM1,000 a table, you will need to bring a RM100 PER head (so if you are attending with your family of five, you’d better make sure there are five big ones in that tiny little packet). This ensures that the happy couple can at least cover their cost of feeding and entertaining you for the evening even though you are a guest. Question: C and M have a restaurant sponsor for their dinner. Are guests still expected to bring ang pows?
5. Couple books wedding dinner restaurant.
6. Couple books wedding photography studio, which is an institution in itself in Malaysia – and an exceedingly lucrative one. You go in, select a ‘package’ that includes the photography, the rental of gowns AND the make up as well as hair. The price eventually comes down to how many gowns you wish to rent but more remarkably, how many pictures you wish to have processed into fancy hand-made albums or enlarged to epic proportions to be placed at the head of your bed. These days, couples love having their wedding photos taken in the great outdoors, parks or atop hills, perhaps reminiscent of movie stars in similar locales. You may have started with a measly RM3,000 package but can end up paying RM13,000 because the thought of tossing the other 2,000 shots they took of you, who spent 12 hours changing into 13 dresses, posing and smiling in two inches of make-up and 12 inches of fake hair, just seems irresponsible. Question: C and M have a sponsored photographer. How does that work? Did they get the full deluxe premium platinum package? I am curious.
7. Couple books the wedding matchmaker-wedding-usherer-lady-person (’tai kum che’ in Cantonese – my Koo Ma was one). I have no idea how much they cost. When my Koo Ma used to do it (in the 90s), she charged RM100 for a whole day, since she provided make up AND the ‘ushering’ itself, where she shouts good tidings at the top of her voice during the tea ceremony (where most of the ang pow and gold are given by relatives) and is also the ‘MC’ at the dinner reception, crucial during toasts. These days, I believe they sing as well as flirt shamelessly with uncles who have had too much to drink. Another RM200 for ‘value-added services? Any Internet-savvy tai kum ches around who need some link love?
8. Couple goes for honeymoon (which is a non-event, unless of course it’s also sponsored and thereby the couple has to blog about their impending trip). Business is business, right?
I am not sure how I feel about the whole affair. On one hand, I applaud C and M for their brilliance – and audacity. Not a lot of people will think of asking total strangers to pay for their wedding and fewer still will gather up the nerve to be so bold as to mail-blast the blogosphere. On the other, I’m wondering if all this does not cross some line somewhere – the line between entrepreneurial and just plain cheap and/or greedy (particularly so when ang pows are undoubtedly still expected). After all, this is a wedding, a momentous event between two people, a celebration of love and commitment.
What next? Sponsor my pregnancy blog? The birth of my first child? My funeral?
And how is this different from what I’m doing now, with my Kontera and Text Link ads and my asking for Amazon donations?
Crass or not, this is a sign of things to come, dear friends. Of sponsored soirees, monetized marriages and pay-per-pregnancies.
Welcome to new media!
Now who wants to sponsor a blog post about me making a trip to the bathroom?
Give me my cheese
I’m always a little at a loss when someone refers to me as “the famous blogger” or “the writer”.
For one, I am neither.
To belong to the first, you’d have to be in the ranks of Xia Xue, Robert Scoble or Violent Acres. Since I am not any of these people – or belong to their social circles, not even in the blogroll sense (which is, I think, the true measure of whether one has ‘made it’ in the blog…scene. To have one’s blog linked in list of perhaps eight other bloggers, semi-permanently until they run out of ad space or when they remember to update their blogrolls and take you off because they can no longer remember who you are).
To belong to the second, well, you have to first write a book that’s not only been published but must’ve been accessed via a bookstore (online or off) or a library by at least, oh I don’t know, 30 people? People who aren’t related to you or are your friends or know you at a molecular level. A total stranger who thought your book was good enough to fork out $14 for. Or make the trip to the library to check it out. Or perhaps even deign him/herself to borrow from a friend. That’s when you know you’ve made it. Random people sacrificing time, spending money and exerting effort to read what you’ve written.
That’s when you allow yourself the title of “writer”.
Yes, I do set very strict standards for myself, standards which I’m bound to live by (the binder being yours truly) and therefore am destined never to meet. It is a wonder I am able to function at all, what with mild delusions of grandeur one minute, and the slightly psychotic self-berating the next.
“Pff, I can write better than that!”
“Then again, I’ve never even tried.”
“You suck.”
“No, you suck.”
And yet, I can’t help feeling a little pride seep in once in a while (it is a sneaky feeling) when someone addresses me that way, although I can’t be sure most of the time if he or she isn’t actually mocking me. Sometimes, I pretend it’s genuine, basking a little in the misdirected (or misinterpreted) admiration. Most of the time, I have on my ‘blur’ face, that mask of uncertainty, as though I am preoccupied with the delicate task of wiping yet another snotty nose or tying yet another errant shoelace, when I am doing everything I can not to cry and feel sorry for myself, a 34-year old fraud who will perhaps spend the rest of her life starting novels without finishing any because she has the attention span of a tick.
“You’re that Mommy blogger, aren’t you?”
I’m not sure at which word in the label I’d cringe. “Mommy” or “blogger”. Or “you?”
“I loooooove your writing!”
What this person means is, of course, my blogging, since I’m sure she’s read neither of the two stories I’ve written that’s been published in a country 12,000 miles away – a country she thinks is in Micronesia.
Again, the cold fingers of embarrassed panic seize me. Should I do the polite thing and thank her. Or the right thing, and correct her?
“Blogging isn’t writing, lady,” Obnoxious me would say. “Any idiot with two fingers can blog. But thank you anyway. I appreciate it.”
But in blog world, I do what all bloggers must do. I’ll take what I can, enjoy every morsel of fame thrown my way, holding each piece of praise gingerly between my Magic-marker stained fingers (much as one would those gourmet cheese samples they give away at the fancy deli sections at the grocery store), and slowly nibble as though it is the last goddamn piece of cheese I will ever eat.
The lesser of two evils
Today, I had the pleasure of meeting Daringyoungmom and Goodisenough, two fellow lady bloggers who will be going to Blogher this year.
DYM is a well-known blogger (who’s speaking at the conference on Day One about the need for an intolerance intervention in the blogosphere).
At the playground, we got to talking about blogging for money. As you know, this is an issue that I’ve been been struggling with of late. Essentially, both DYM and GIE disagree with directly sponsored posts from companies like Payperpost. And after I told them how I gave PPP the boot after finding out its business model of rejecting posts even after the posts have been published for weeks, they were even more aghast.
FYI, DYM has a thriving business running ads on her blog from Blogher (which I’ve just applied for!) and she’s made quite a name for herself in the American blogosphere after just two years. She’s been on the Today show and even writes for a parenting site, The Parenting Post.
So the contention here is, which is the lesser of the two evils? Monetising your blog through ads, or writing paid posts? Of course, people who do both would not be asking this question as they HAVE NO SOULS (points at me).
Having gone through a little over two weeks of PPP, I am now only on SponsoredReviews, of which there have been bids few and far between. While the money’s good, what one of the moms said this morning – I don’t remember who – struck me as very true: That after a while, the readability of your blog degrades because your readers stop reading the real posts as well.
And after a while, even the quality of your READERS degrade, because no matter how well you write, your quality blog readers, those who really come to you for your stories and anecdotes, your honest reviews, don’t read paid posts. Sadly, it’s already happening. Traffic has gone down about 30% for me since I’ve gone all money-minded. Of course, if you don’t care about that sort of thing, it doesn’t really matter since neither PPP nor SR lists ‘quality of readers’ (nor quantity, which is odd) as one of the requirements to be paid.
After an afternoon spent pondering this whole messed up issue, I’ve decided to stop bidding from today onwards at SR, and to commit what I’ve bid on, if they are accepted. I am going to stick with the ads and hope that my attendance at Blogher (and acceptance into their ad program) will help me gain some exposure as a writer and to pursue, instead, alternate – and more ‘honourable’ – ways to earn some money.
Wish me luck. Sorry to make all of you a part of my whole monetising my blog rollercoaster. If only I wasn’t so damn fickle…
Some key site updates
*** This is a STICKY post which means I’m not dead and I have updated my blog, it’s just that updates are below this post. Please scroll down!***
I made the huge mistake a week or two ago changing my RSS feeds to Pheedo and Feedburner without first writing a post that would go through my old feed to inform my subscribers of the change, so now I have like two subscribers (that would be me and Lokes?). Oh, he’d better be the second person, or else?!
Anyway, I’m hoping the five other subscribers who haven’t seen any updates from me will at least come back here (hi!) to see I’m not dead (just a little stupid – okay, a lot stupid).
So anyway, now that you’re here, please subscribe to The I’mPerfect Mom by clicking here (those who had resubscribed over the last week or so PLEASE resub again coz I tinkered with the thing again and the whole thing reset on me. I told you I was a lot stupid).
If you prefer my blog to email you everytime I update my blog, click here (fancy, I know).
I have also been working a little bit more on my casual gaming blog, Gamer Mom, so if like that sort of stuff, go there.
Btw, Feedburner rocks.
Final-effin-ly
Believe it or not, since I joined Technorati in 2005, this blog has not been claimed properly. Two years, it’s been sitting in some kind of parallel universe in the Technorati servers. I was unable to ping it or find it even. It was just fackin odd.
And then a few days ago, I decided to just delete the claim and reclaim it. To my shock and horror, I was told that my blog was simply unclaimable.
What. The. Fish?
So I wrote the nice people at Technorati my problem and in under 12 hours, they responded, fixing my problem. So The I’mPerfect Mom is finally in the here and now.
Why did it take me two years? I guess I never really cared until those darn sponsors wanted to see where how blog stood traffic-and-link wise, and when they asked me why it never showed up on Technorati, I just smacked my forehead and had to get off my ass to fix the damn thing once and for all.
So now, it’s finally fixed.
Whoa, my authority is 104.
Thanks guys 
Amazing blog
I just clued on to Infernal Ramblings by Liz.
This kid is an amazing, amazing Malaysian blogger.
And he’s only 17.
Makes me so proud.
New RSS feed
Forgot to tell you guys that you will need to use this feed from now on to get my RSS. My old one won’t work anymore.
Thanks Sweetisu for reminding me to tell everyone
Sponsored Post: I’ve gone and done it now
I’m sure you’ve noticed all the little badges peppered around my blog now. I’ve gone and signed up with Pay Per Post to see if I can’t make a little money to help pay for this blog’s domain and hosting, at the very least (and a little pocket money for little ol’ me).
So what do I think about ads on blogs? So far, it’s not been too bad. I haven’t grown horns nor has my writing IQ diminished.
I’ve also made $0.45 on my Adsense and it’s been a little less than a week? Pretty soon, we’ll be able to afford real butter!
But what’s more important is, what do YOU think about ads on blogs? Do they compromise editorial integrity? Or is it just business at the end of the day?
ps. Pics of beautiful Eastern Washington later. We took 700+ pictures, I shit you not. Go get your Flickr on if you want to see them all.
Reality check
It’s been a hard decision to make but I’ve decided to start ‘monetising’ my blog, place some Google ads here and there and very possibly write some ’sponsored’ posts.
Gosh, writing these things almost brings tears to my eyes.
I guess – no, I know – it’s a pride thing, my not having done any of that yet and I’ve been blogging what, almost four years. I keep telling myself it will ruin my blog, tarnish my integrity as a writer. It’s very old school thinking, this advertising/editorial integrity thing.
But you know what? It costs me money to run this blog, money I don’t have (since I ain’t out there workin’ anymore). So screw it.
I do promise to write really ‘interesting’ sponsored posts though.
Really.
I need a hug.
Blogs moved
For those who follow my daughter’s blogs, I’m moving them to Wordpress because Blogger, in a word, sucks.
Their blogs are now at
but you will need Wordpress accounts – and for me to approve your usernames – to view them. So if you want to be added, get an account (you don’t need to make a blog, you can just get a username).
Ps. Moving is a cinch. Ask me how.
You go, Po Kuan!
Just found out my old school friend, now MP (Member of Parliament) for Batu Gajah (incidentally my mom’s hometown), is blogging!
You go, Po Kuan!
A shout-out
An old, old, old friend of mine (well she’s not that old, our friendship is) just started to blog and I just wanted to highlight it since she’s such an old pal (known her since kindergarten!).
Yes, she really is a health freak but I love her anyway.
Welcome to the ’sphere, lady!
I can think and I have the award to prove it!
Firstly, Daphne, I do have qualms about dropping everything for a life of full-time madness. However, I play video games and blog and netball and sometimes even scream a little, so that’s how I quash those pesky qualms and appear qualm-less most of the time. Just so you know I ‘don’t always got it together’, as the Americans put it.
And thank you very much for awarding me this prestigious little emblem, and I’m humbled since it’s only been given to the upper crust of the Malaysian blogosphere – Marina’s blog, and Dina’s, and Sharon’s, literally long-time celeb thinkers in their own right way before their blogs.
So yes, very, very honoured!
Now lemme see, I have to tag five bloggers I think are Very Good Thinkers. So hard to choose without selecting someone who’s already awarded, isn’t it? But here it goes (if I did pick someone who already was picked before, never mindlah k? They truly deserve it):
1. Pelf-ism is contagious. You get my first nomination because for someone so young, you really have your head screwed on tight and right. Also, you have such a unique name to go with your unique job. And I secretly have rockstar admiration for scientists and conservationists and ecologists. I swear, it’s not funny, I would group you if I could. And also, you work with turtles (or terrapins), and I love turtles (Malaysia is one of the sea turtle’s many homes, my American friends and they are becoming extinct, so please read Pelf’s blog to see what you can do).
2. Malik Imtiaz’s Disquiet. This man writes entries that are educational, informative and enlightening. I am always humbled by his perspectives, knowledge and insight.
3. I think Elizabeth was awarded this recently but what the heck, she deserves it for all the awareness and social work she does. I’ve known Elizabeth since we were kids in our swimming suits thrashing around at the ACS pool in Ipoh, when I was a from-far-admirer because EW was the top swimmer in our school and I think, maybe even for the state of Perak! Yup, she was a quick one in the water. Of course, EW is so much more today. I wish I’d known you better, lady. I want my girls to be just like you!
4. Jade(d) Poetry is a personal blog by Sze, an old IRC friend of mine, who is now teaching English in Hungary (is that right?). She doesn’t blog enough, a flaw I wish she would remedy soon because Sze, you write beautifully, and I love your reading about your little adventures in Budapest and around. Write more!
5. And finally, Kak Teh’s Choc-a-Blog. I got turned onto this lady by Sharon, I believe. She is such a joy to read, always elegant, always entertaining.
Okay, ladies (and gent), sorry to impose this on you but you now have to find five thinking bloggers (select based not just on the quality of the content, but that they make you think!) and give them this award (thought up by someone named Yoldas).
Should you choose to participate, please make sure you pass this list of rules to the blogs you are tagging.
The participation rules are simple:
1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the
meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.
Now go forth and spread the joy!
Okay, I’m done.
So I come back from a morning of drinking air and eating plastic carrot and fish, scrubbing off rusty scum from cans and pulling gross pubes from the drain to find that I’m now neck to neck with none other than the first lady of blogging.
(Vince I may be mistaken but is that the Overworked Housewife Card? Boy that is some shrewd blogging right there Vince. The woman is pulling out all the stops.)
I’ve been a long-time follower of Ms Dooce, so watch closely as she trumps me without even moving a muscle. And watch as I gladly slink away in defeat because if there’s anyone who truly deserves a Blogitzer, it’s her…
(Oh Lon you are right on the money ‘coz there’s her Pre-emptive Gracious Loser Suckass Card. This is a level of cupidity yet unseen on a blog, such an obvious attempt to hold on to the lead. What will the judges say? Oh this is just-…)
Excuse me while I go *whimper* lick my wounds.
(And the crowd goes wild! Vince, look at the tears on those faces, the emotion, the disbelief, the indignation. And yes, there they go. They are flocking to the polls to create fake email accounts to vote for this unbelievable piece of work that is The I’mPerfect Mom! Oh Vince, are we the only two people who can see through her crap? I can’t watch it myself, I can’t. Oh someone stop her, please.)
Okay why do I have the voices of poker tournament commentators in my head?
More awards!
Okay this is beginning to seem excessive but Antonia, who has helped me perfect the art of spitting from various orifices on my face, just reminded me that I had a nomination up quite a while ago for a Best of Blogs award in the Hobby category for my comic, Consider it Blogged (which I really should be updating more but I can’t find my Wacom drawing pen! Lokes is going to kill me!).
Oh yes, I draw in my spare time. Which isn’t much considering the amount of work I put in THIS blog. And there’s them kids to raise.
Bummer.
Anyway, voting has commenced so if you find the comic nice, please do vote for it. But more importantly, go look at Antonia’s blog and see if she doesn’t totally deserve to win. Especially with posts like these.
Now where’s that blasted pen…
Big boobs hairy mom reveals all
Everyone once in a while, I like to share with you, my dear readers, little factoids about my blog that I think you might like to read.
Such as how people in the World Wide Web find my blog.
No, not how people find my blog, not “Oh, I think she’s full of crap!” or “Oh man someone’s gotta tell that woman that talking about phlegm and snot will not get her votes!” but literally, how people around the world arrive at my blog everyday not by mere chance, but by the mercies of one very nifty little search engine that we’ve all come to love and adore and rely on as though it were the tree of knowledge itself, and that is none other than
Never thought you’d see THAT search engine again, did you?
Of course, I meant Google.
So, without further ado, let me present to you my top ten favourite search phrases that people have found in themselves the audacity to type, falsely led to believe that perhaps, deep in the dark of night, hidden behind their computers and closed doors and a labyrinth of modems and cables and computers and servers and switches and IP networks, that no one would ever find out what their dirty little minds were thinking – only to realise that lo and behold, there are nifty little spies out there that track more than just traffic.
Here we go (vote for your favourite!):
10. i dont like my long nose
9. when my son caught me having sex with my husband i whip my sons butt hard
8. naked mobile ladies with nothing on
7. mom spanked daughter church crying (okay, who is this? ‘fess up!)
6. mom has cock in hole
5. indian aunty seduction
4. dirty spanking games
3. punjabi men don’t marry
2. big boobs mom.com
and the grand prize winner is…
1. hairy mom reveals all
Seriously, there should be like a contest for The Most Bizarre Search Phrase in the History of Internet Searches.
How about it, Mr Google?
Decisions, decisions
So are any of you going for Blogher this year?
If so, can you teach me how to select tracks?
Seriously, I’ve attended tech shows and trade shows and food shows and game shows and game tournaments but never one as an attendee where I have to, like, select tracks. As a journo, I went where I thought the stories were. And then I take off a little before rush hour for some roti and teh tarik .
And since this is the first time I’m paying good money to go, it makes the track-selecting all the more crucial.
Good god there are just too many good ones. I want to go for everything.
Also, imagining being in a room full of women bloggers is making me want to stop eating and do something drastic to my hair. Have you seen the talent out there? I have to give up eating and bathing just to stay on top of my blogging and feed-reading. How are these women not gazillionaires and rock stars, pray tell?
Yes, I am very excited. I’d just asked Lokes if it was okay for me to go somewhere by myself and was thinking about backpacking for a week around Italy but his face sort of went blank, and his mouth turned slack and he went, “uhh…” while spit started to trickle from the side of his mouth into his goatee.
Not a good idea, sweetie? Oookay. How about a flight to Chicago for a women’s blogging conference? Right away, his mouth snapped shut and he nodded, “Sure! When?”
It’s not that he doesn’t know where Italy is, but he thinks me backpacking is sort of like me going bungee jumping.
“Honey, but you won’t…come back up…” he’d say, stroking my hair and feeding me grapes.
He forgets I used to travel for work. I might’ve gained a fe-…okay, a LOT of pounds and I might’ve not been around the last few years but I can still fit in a plane, thank you very much. AND get from the airport, to the hostel. AND remember to pack my digital camera batt charger and phone charger and notebook cables and USB card reader and God knows what other little thingamajigs I cannot live without.
Tsk. Hullo, I’m a mom. I can remember stuff for FOUR people around here. And then some.
So, Chicago. What’s in Chicago, besides Blogher? And Oprah? Is Oprah in Chicago? And those hotdogs with tomato slices I saw on Food Channel once? And, like, wind?
So exciting!
ps. I’ll be staying at a Blogher hostel called HI-Chicago. Seriously, if you’re going, ping me so we can bunk together or something! Caroline, are you reading this? You are SO driving me around!
50 votes and counting!
(This is a sticky post and will remain on top until the Awards are over. Scroll down for more recent posts!)
(and yes I got a sticky JUST for the awards. Crankin’ up the ole PR machine!)
Oh, oh, head getting bigger!
Please vote for me so I can get some new glasses to go with my new super big head.
Thanks, Mamabok for nominating and getting your entire family to vote for me.
(what are you talking about? Of course I voted for myself!)
I am nominated in the category The Blogitzer, which is for best writing in a blog. The winners will be announced at Postiecon in Orlando, Florida, and Lokes is going there for a convention on the same dates.
So lemme give you my best ‘one cent face’…
 
so you can go ahead and vote for me, and I can go too!
But only if you think I write good.
I try, very hard.
I do.
I’ll try harder! Vote for me!
Update: Okay, I need a good ten votes to keep me ahead. C’MON TROOPS YOU CAN DO IT! I’ll buy you coffees. Good coffee here in Seattle.
Update 11 April 2007: I hit 50 votes as of 11.36am PST and am now five votes in the lead! Thank you all for and do keep voting! I love you all so much! On top of coffee, I will sing a song with my new sexy, husky voice (more on this below)!