So Lokes and I have been “discussing” another baby. More like me telling him my time is almost up and him claiming he’s not heard of it until now (“I knew you wanted three but not like, really want it.”).
Why do I want a third baby? To be honest, the reasons are not practical at all. I think having babies has stopped being practical the day we hit 1 million unwanted babies in the world, thus procreating has been selfish since 1952 so I’m NOT the first woman in the world to want a baby because I’m hormonal and craving for that new baby smell again.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve been photographing new babies.
Perhaps it’s because I am reminded everyday when I look in the mirror that I’m getting older (36?! ARGHHHHHH).
And that some things really can’t be postponed indefinitely. Perhaps it’s because Sky is going to be five end of the year and Rae has been asking for a baby sister or brother and only God knows why because she seems to despise the one sibling she has (as all firstborns do).
And because I’ve always wanted three. Three, I think, is a great number. The triangle is the most stable of all geo structures. I’ve always had two best friends. I love P Ramlee’s DO RE MI. I am a big fan of the word “triumvirate”. The occasional threesome can be fun if I’m a more secure person.
THe only practical reason I think for having a biological child is – and I know this sounds horrible but practical is rarely romantic – to save its cord blood. And it’s not even FOR the baby. It’s for the rest of its family. I told you it’s horrible but if you want a practical reason for having a baby, there it is – longevity.
And yet, I am unsure. I am at a point right now where I’m comfortable. Contented. The girls are able to play nicely without accidentally killing themselves (but they ARE in danger of killing each other). Pretty soon, both will be in school and I’ll have more time to focus on my photography. Lokes and I can have a sitter over nights so we can take a nap at the theatre.
But there’s the fact that we are raising two females in the household, which actually takes more maintenance than males. We have to contend with social pressures much earlier (“BUT ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE JONAS BROTHERS GLITTER STICKERS!”), worry about body image issues (“WHY DO YOU WANNA LOSE WEIGHT MOMMY? IS THIN BETTER THAN FAT?”), making sure they understand why they can’t sit with their legs wide open like Daddy (“THAT’S JUST THE WAY IT IS!!”). What will having a third child do to the already state of perpetual panic Lokes and I are in raising two girls in a strange land with strange people who believe that children are equal to adults and that it’s crucial for kids to take 15 minutes to work out why five plus five is ten?
So the question is still hovering up in the air above us each day, mocking my rickety ovaries and causing Lokes to break out in cold sweat each night. Maybe with enough new lenses and assignments I’ll realize that I really don’t need another addition to my bevy of self-produced models. After all, Lokes is turning out to be quite good at following orders: