Dear Silly Woman,

Firstly, congratulations. You’ve brought the classic Singaporean/Malaysian condition to a whole new level. That’s right, acting stupid (or what we call “act blur”) and sticking to your story is actually working. In fact, it is the best legal defense you can have right now. Your lawyer knows it. You know it. We smart Malaysians and Singaporeans know it but cannot believe it because it is so obvious and most of us are probably wondering why you Americans make laws that let police officers paint themselves into a corner like this. Ku-fuckin’-dos. 

But do you really want to go down in history as the irresponsible, few-fries-short-of-a-happy-meal chicken-shit mom who may or may not have done it, or Evil Party Girl who Deviously Murdered Her Child so She Could Date in Peace?

Seriously, think about it.

If you’re acquitted, either way, you will be nicely mobbed for the rest of your life. Wherever you move in the US, you’ll be recognized (don’t even bother changing your name, I mean, where are you going to go? Sarah Palin has already put Alaska on the map). Perhaps you can move to Malaysia or Singapore but if you decide to revert to your old ways, I promise you that act blur defense will not work, girlfriend, because if that were so, half the criminals in our jails will be acquitted. 

But if you’re convicted, let’s see. From what we’ve learnt from Hollywood, you’ll either be in solitary confinement for the rest of your life (if you’re diagnosed evil) or be treated very badly in prison by women who have the balls to admit to their sins. That can’t be comfortable. I mean, SERIOUSLY consider your options here, kiddo. 

You gotta admit, Casey. Things are NOT looking good right now, either way. So you need to ask yourself: Do you want to die slowly on the outside or be seared forever in the memories of those of us who watch Nancy Grace, on the inside? 

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