Starting life as a (ahem) photographer
As some of you may have noticed, I’ve been taking a lot of pictures.
I’ve also been exploring the possibility of turning this hobby into a business. I’ve built a site. I’ve read close to ten books on the fundamentals and then some. I’ve camped Photo.net, Flickr and Digital Photography School for perhaps twice as long. I’ve practiced my behind off in recent months on my kids, the kids of my friends, gone on photowalks, bugged the hell out of more experienced photographers, and basically just photographing anything that’s not strapped down.
And yet, I’ve been a little afraid of calling myself a photographer. Much as I’ve been afraid of calling myself a writer (and I’ve been writing a while). Heck I can’t even call myself a blogger without feeling like a fraud because there ARE people who actually BLOG regularly who don’t even claim that.
When I go out with Lokes for his social gatherings with business colleagues, I say I’m a stay-at-home mom, and then Lokes will let slip the fact that I blog, write and is now a “portrait photographer”. I cringe because they all make me sound like I am doing everything and therefore am not good at anything. Really, a writer? One miserable short story, that’s all I’ve published the last two years. A blogger? I am perhaps the laziest, most inconsistent blogger in the history of lazy inconsistent blogging. A portrait photographer? This is the worst because I’d have my camera with me and people will start asking to have their pictures taken and my fingers get clammy and I’d stutter a little when I say, “Okay…ss-say…cheese?” and I’d start thinking, “Great, now I have to spend my evening trying to save my semi-semi-pro photos…”
Usually, the photos turn out great (without the help of Photoshop too!). Sometimes, I also blog or write something worth reading. And yet, my self esteem is taking a very very long time to catch up on whatever it is I’ve set my heart on doing. That is why I’ve had problems “marketing” myself beyond building a blog. How do I get rid of this fear of feeling like I’m not worth getting paid for my services?
The only thing that motivates me is a practical consideration: that times are getting harder, and one income may not hack it much longer, and I will need to GET OVER myself THIS MINUTE before it’s too late.
Nothing like a little tough love.
Posted in Imperfect Lens, Imperfect Mom, Imperfect Writer
August 5th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Jenn, you are so talented! I love the pictures you’ve taken. You passion for photography shows in your work (and quality work like yours is hard to come by!).
August 5th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Thanks Mel!! Gosh I need a hug from you and the rest of your gang!
August 5th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I just looked at your site and you ARE a photographer!!! My goodness your pictures are AMAZING - be confident you have every right to be - you are very, very talented!!!
August 5th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Thanks Jamie!
In Cantonese, there’s a phrase, “ngak sik”, literally translated as “bluff eat”, which is to say you know enough to get by.
I think I am a “ngak sik” photographer - just with enough trained skill to take above-average photos but under the scrutiny of a trained eye, I will fail miserably. But I will persevere and earn the title among my peers!
August 5th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I totally agree with Melissa and Jamie. Next time that feeling surfaces, let me collect your photography fees for you. It will make me proud.
August 5th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Haha Rita. Sure, we’ll split the chickenfeed lol
August 5th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
There’s another photgrapher in this town who needs some competition! Looks to me like you’ve got what it takes!!!
August 5th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
wow!~ photographer wor
August 6th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Janya I don’t think I can charge their prices tho hehe…
August 6th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Hi Jen
If this will make u feel better (altho most of us think u and ur pics r great alredi).. u r one of the 3 mums who inspires me. (Altho we dunno each other personally). And never say never.. yeah..
August 6th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Aww thanks Chinwan! I am feeling the love today
Thanks guys.
August 7th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
For what it’s worth, I think you have a good eye for photography and yes, you ought to start selling your work.
If it’s anything, I feel a little like you too - hubby tells people that I’m in the midst of setting up an online shop, I weave, spin and knit and inside, I feel as if people think I’m trying to grab at straws because I can’t find a job…and that I ought to work and not sponge off the hubby.
Sometimes when I’m down, I think of all those who have moved and are struggling…for inspiration. You’re one of them.