So I thought I should share with you how I’ve managed to streamline the whole Diarrhea Containment Action Plan to three steps, it being stomach bug season, still. I know. I thought it was spring already, what the hell.

Anyway, so here’s what you need near you AT ALL TIMES when you have a child under five who has diarrhea:

1. A gallon-garbage bag.

2. Toilet paper (duh)

3. A kitchen sink with those spray hoses (if you are peevy about having shit where you eat then use your bath tub. I don’t since I wash off everything with Clorox every time. I can show you the next time I invite you over for dinner, haha).

4. Vaseline

Here’s the Diarrhea Containment Action Plan in three easy steps:

1. When you hear it coming (they usually cry since their bottoms are so sore from purging or just keep an ear out for that guttural bubbly rumble, pfff), grab the garbage bag and sack ’em from under.

2. Carry them to the sink and remove sack when they are safely IN the sink or tub. Remove diaper IN bag, wrap and throw.

3. Hose ’em down, dry gently with toilet paper and apply Vaseline to help soreness heal.

Okay, I think I’m done.

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