Seriously, strangers who come to my blog to diss me about my weight should know that I love nothing more than a good fight.

Ask my husband.

I have been overweight for so long that I’ve seen and heard it all. "You’re a car", "you’re a cow", "OMG how are you even alive?" – like my blog title, it takes a whole lot more wit (and grammatically perfect sentences) to make a dent (punning with car comparison) especially when I’ve already dissed myself.

And now that I’ve lost some of the weight, it makes the battle even sweeter because really, how sad are you to be Googling "fat people deserve to be judged" and then commenting on a post that’s half a year old when said fat person isn’t fat anymore (of course I still am but have you ever met a woman who thinks she’s not)?

Did you just learn about the World Wide Web? Find a clearance-priced Fisher Price illustrated keyboard that you can understand? Learn how to turn the power on?

Here’s a tip: Illiterate Philistine Luddites should never, EVER mess with chubby geeks who can maim you with two-finger typing.

Blog will not be responsible for sprained brains (or fingers).