Living room, mid evening. Tipsy from sipping a 25.4oz bottle of Frutezia, Passion Blend. Alcohol content 6%.

Jeremy Irons is reading Vladimir Nabakov’s Lolita. Humbert Humbert is describing making love to the newly made Mrs Humbert, aka the mother of the real object of his desire, Lo. "Bathed through the undergrowth of dark, decaying forests…" Bet you’ve never heard a ‘mature’ woman described as such. If you’ve never read Lolita that is.

I wonder if Vladimir Nabokov was a pedophile. I’m sure I’m not the first.

Missing my husband. Need to pee.

Realisation: The name "Lolita" can never be used again because of its ‘literary’ significance.