It’s 11.33am and I’m awake, wracked with guilt for not having written a blog post in, what, three days?

Do normal people get like this? I don’t even know anymore. I’m so tired.

Still, I owe a tag. I’ve been double-tagged by Trinity and Dawn and they both are unhealthily curious about Ten Things that Happened to me. So even as I pitch my eyelids up with toothpicks, I have to ‘fess up’. Although I first wanted to use the words ‘put out’ instead of ‘fess up’, although here in America, that particular piece of slang means ‘to have sex’. Can one of you kindly explain the etymology? In Malaysia, we say ‘put out’ the dog, to mean let the dog out or ‘put out’ your shoes, as in leave your shoes outside. The English is horribly broken but it makes more sense than accidentally saying you want to have sex with the dog. Or your shoes. You never know with these Americans, do you? They’re constantly innovating. Very creative people.

Anyway, so ten things that happened to me:

1. I discovered I had Hep B when I was pregnant with Raeven. Turns out I contracted it from my mom, and so did my sis. I cried and thought I was going to die the very next day, and that I’d ruined my unborn child forever. And then decided to live the hell out of my life ‘coz we Tais are very sturdy stock, diseased or not. Thankfully, neither of the girls have Hep b. The neutralisers worked. Good stuff.

2. I can play the piano. I like sonatas, detest Richard Clayderman, loathe scales. The moment my mother stopped forcing me to take those blasted lessons (I quit at the beginning of Grade 7), I began to enjoy the instrument. I remember telling my sis, when I was about ten and she seven, to start crying the moment she was at our piano teacher’s house. She did. I heard her, since my piano teacher was also my next door neighbour. Did not work. Turned out my sister was a better pianist than I ever was.

3. I recently found an old friend online, whom I will nickname the Stoned Doctor. We had not communicated in about 13 years, at least. We had some good times – very instructive for me, for lack of a better word. He was the first of TWO people who lit up a doobie in front of me, doobies he made with MY cigarettes. Broke bastard. It is a miracle I’d never touched them. Sincerely thought I would turn into Gollum if I did. On the other hand, the weight loss would’ve been fantastic.

4. I am still looking for two other old buddies but have been unsuccessful: my old room mate and classmate from law school at KDU circa 1992, 93, a Farah (I have forgotten her last name, how horrible) from Singapore, and Rizal Farris, from pre-law at Kobeaurium Institute of Law. Sound familiar? Email me if you do know these people!

5. I am trying to write an erotic novel set in the early 20th century. I’m hoping the end result will make women wiggle uncomfortably in the subway, wondering if the book will be turned into a movie soon, starring perhaps Channing Tatum, wearing only a tea cup.

6. I recently wished for lots of money so I could go back to school, become a Doctor of English, spend the rest of my life decrypting fancy new American phrases For Make Benefit of Great Nation of The Rest of the World.

7. I also wished for lots of money so I can buy a new DSLR with all the fanciest accoutrements. The Canon 5D is particularly yummy.

8. I convinced my beloved to go camping. He did very well. We are going again soon.

9. I also recently expounded with my beloved the whole concept of time and the space time continuum and the intricacies of warp drive technology and string theory and how people who think space can be folded like a piece of paper are absolute loons.

10. I am going to bed.