Why fat people (after 30) deserve to be judged
My name is Jennifer Tai and I am 34 years old.
I weigh 100kgs, give or take, and have been obese for almost six years. I have been overweight half of my life.
When I got married at 28, I was around 85kgs. I convinced myself that if I managed to find a man (who was overweight himself, clocking at around 120kgs at the time we were married) who loved me for what I am, I should not care about what other people thought of me.
This was my attitude for a very long time, even before I was married. As I ballooned up in size and weight, I continued to believe that as long as I was happy and healthy, that was all that mattered. And if people judged me for being fat, they were just vain idiots.
After Rae, I continued to prosper, gaining another 20kgs. After Sky, my weight hovered around 112-115kgs. And it has been there – until a year ago.
Thing was, I was not healthy. I could hardly climb up two flights of stairs without feeling as though I would pass out my insides. My second pregnancy was horrendous, most likely because of my diminishing health. My cholesterol level slowly crossed over to yellow.
And as far as happy went, I was barely hanging on. I could not shop in any of the stores back home and so I gave up shopping altogether, convincing myself that this was good for saving money. My self esteem, having built up over the years after an abusive ex-relationship, plateaued at about “I am okay as long as my family loves me and I have my job”. I tried some of that “Love the body you’re in“, you know, the Monique crap, but you know what? Self love is overrated. There is a lot of stuff I love myself about, like the way I dance and my nonsensical sense of humour, and that I can write reasonably well, but c’mon. Let’s be honest.
No one likes to be fat.
Seriously, ask anyone. Ask a fat person if he or she chose to be fat. Hell, ask Monique, if she had one wish, and if that wish could only be that she would be half her size, or nothing else, that she would refuse it.
No. Way.
The billion-dollar weight-loss industry out there trying to get the thin person out is evidence enough that if given a simple choice, no one chooses to be 300lbs.
No. One. Not the teen with the overactive hormones that contribute to the eating disorder. Not the man whose family is genetically obese. Not the child who developed eating disorders due to childhood force-feeding.
But you may say that people who choose to eat themselves to death CHOSE to be fat and chose to not give two tosses about their health. That is true as well. I was in this category. And that is why today, I believe, that fat people deserve to be judged for who they are: Lazy, undisciplined, weak-willed individuals.
However, I believe that fat children (including teens) are to be excluded from this category. Be it a hormonal disorder or lack of good eating habits or nutrition, these are aspects outside the control of a child. Parents are the ones to blame for their fat child.
In Malaysia, it is common practice for children to be fed until they are in their teens. Children are placed next to a bowl of rice big enough to feed a small country and made to finish all of it at the end of a cane.
“Do you know there are starving children in Ethiopia?!” my mother oftened asked when my sis and I were kids, although we had no idea where or what Ethiopia – or starving – was.
In short, we were never taught to listen to our own bodies, our own tummies, as to how much we ought to eat. We listened, instead, to our mothers and nannies and caregivers, eating and expanding our little stomaches to unreasonable proportions for no rhyme or reason than to live up to the expectations of those who love and care for us – expectations that sometimes take into account only the fact that food should not be wasted, rather than real nutrition or good eating habits.
And therefore, children are to be excused from this group of fat people I will summarily judge as Lazy and Undisciplined.
In fact, this is what I believe: That anyone above 30 who is grossly overweight are Lazy and Undisciplined. We deserve to be passed over for jobs and promotions and be looked upon as unattractive sloths. And since we are often told (mostly by ourselves) not to give two shits about what others think about us, isn’t it fair that we be isolated and singled out and avoided?
I am being hard on myself because enough is enough. Let me tell you why.
Appearances DO matter. Perception IS reality. And this is especially important for a 30-something who is overweight to get through to our heads because WE ARE ADULTS. We have entered an age where we should be mature and sensible enough to do the right thing BUT WE ARE NOT. We have been bombarded with enough science and doctors’ appointments to force the truth down our throats.
And yet, here we are.
I asked myself today, if I were to go out and look for a job, one for which I am highly qualified for, and have more than enough experience to get, and I walk into the interview looking like I do. And then, this other lady, all together in her tight gluts and her sharp suit and her bright smile, with exactly the same qualifications and experience, goes in after me.
Who do you think should be hired? Is it unfair for the sharp lady to be hired simply because I’m fat and slovenly?
Why?
Because perception IS reality.
Because being fat after 30 means only one thing: A lack of discipline. And if I do not have the discipline to take care of myself, where will I find the discipline to do my job well?
You may be depressed or have no time or think that eradicating poverty and suffering has more clout than losing weight. You may think that having a good body image is essential and that people should not be thought unkindly of simply because they eat too much. You may think that as long as you are happy, it does not matter.
At the end of the day, all you need to ask yourself is this:
Will you hire the fat lady or Miss Altogether?
This post is not intended to insult anyone or to practise some kind of reverse psychology on fat people – including myself – to go lose weight.
It’s just the opinion of someone who’s made enough excuses. Or blogged enough about how it’s okay to be obese, when it’s really not.
Someone who not only wants to live long enough to see her grandkids, but also someone who wants to set an example for her children to take ownership of their bodies and minds.
And that as far as your own health goes, you make your own second chances.
Why not make yours today?
Big Pumpkin
I salute you. Thanks for the wake up call.
Jul 13, 2007 @ 11:43 am
elenietan
bravo….stay healthy..
Jul 13, 2007 @ 5:07 pm
samoondra
Do you have anything for underwieght people like me? Would like to read in the other perspective of being underweight as well. However this was a nice one and really enjoyed and realized the consequences of being overweight.
Jul 14, 2007 @ 3:49 am
jennemede
I’m sure you can find more than enough info online, Samoondra. Thanks for the encouragement, guys.
Jul 14, 2007 @ 8:22 am
Amanda
thanks for the personal perspective on the subject
Jul 14, 2007 @ 6:01 pm
Adam Robins
haha your fat!
And you’RE an idiot!
Dec 10, 2007 @ 8:56 pm
Adam Robins
Haha your still fat!
Sorry to disappoint but I’m not anymore. But you’RE still an idiot. Nothing you can do about that!
Dec 12, 2007 @ 4:21 pm
Adam Robins
Seriously i mean 100kgs!!! how! your fat fat fat. Your like a small car. You’ll probably die because you’ll have a heart attack because your FAT!
Oh oh, I’d be wounded if only I understood what YOU’RE saying. Learn to speak your own language, kiddo. Go back to school!
Dec 14, 2007 @ 2:10 am
The I’mPerfect Mom » Blog Archive » You really cannot say anything about my weight that can hurt me
[...] strangers who come to my blog to diss me about my weight should know that I love nothing more than a good [...]
Dec 14, 2007 @ 10:08 am
Adam Robins
email me bitch at adamrobins@hotmail.co.uk
hey to add to your discussion i think all fat people should die. they are the spawn of satan and they take all the food from people in need. save africa fat whores.
Now that’s just mean. Ok, find Africa on the map for me and we’ll talk. ps: did you want to trap my IP? Everyone knows I live in Washington. That’s in the US of A…
Jan 29, 2008 @ 10:38 pm
Mer
If the diet industry is a billion plus and growing, obvioulsly there are lots of people who don’t want to be fat. Despite the fact that the diet industry is a billion dollars and growing (and has been for years), America is still getting fatter.
These two things don’t add up. What’s going on?
Jan 30, 2008 @ 11:23 am
FormerlyObeseNowOverweightStillWorkingOnIt
Amen, sister!!
Grew up with poor eating habits, fluctuated between 235-275 my whoooole life!!
I finally made it under 200 pounds when I got 2 poor 2 eat like a pig, anymore and I LOOOOVE IT!!!
NEVER wanna be fat EVER AGAIN!!!!! (or “The Fat Mommy”)
Feb 11, 2008 @ 4:49 pm
Masamba Zuber
Change the fucking background color and text color.
Aug 18, 2009 @ 5:51 am
Julia
“Because being fat after 30 means only one thing: A lack of discipline. And if I do not have the discipline to take care of myself, where will I find the discipline to do my job well?”
I am absolutely TERRIFIED that such ignorance exists. You’re saying that fat people can’t do their jobs well? WOW.
Jul 15, 2010 @ 2:12 pm
Dalyn
How about people being booted out of plane seats for overweight teens?
Aug 13, 2010 @ 6:04 am
Kim
Well said!
Apr 18, 2011 @ 10:25 pm
Bird
Great job trolling, Jennifer! But I’m afraid you’re wrong. Body size has nothing to do with intelligence. Stop judging. You’re over 30, now grow up.
Apr 20, 2011 @ 2:42 pm
talker
Body weight is an indication of evolutionary and economic growth. I refuse to apologize for living in a country where people don’t starve, and I refuse to feel bad that I weigh the same as 72% of my fellow countrymen.
You, ma’am, are a dumbass troll, and not even a good one at that. Please educate yourself; for a start, watch Penn & Teller’s Bullshit! Season 5, Episode 1: Obesity, then read the books they reference.
Apr 25, 2011 @ 4:40 pm
Penny
Fat people may be undisciplined, yet are definitely aware of how others perceive them. Six months ago I became very attracted to a co-worker who is physically fit and ambitious, and suddenly I was appalled by what he must think of my looks. I have a reputation for being a great worker, but knew that FAT must be the first word to come to mind whenever he saw me. That was the last straw; some latent self-discipline kicked in and I ditched 50 lbs. in five months. Everyone has been wonderfully supportive. It’s amazing the way people’s interactions with you can change after major weight loss. Maybe it’s superficial, but it is reality, and I am a whole lot happier and more confident now.
Apr 27, 2011 @ 10:15 pm
Dan
100kgs? That’s disgusting, you fat disgusting slob. You deserve every flame comment you get in here.
Insults from UK.
May 25, 2011 @ 1:28 am
Used to be fat
Anyone who has been through what is like to be fat in a world that has an automatic search response “fat people should die” writes such a blog about judging other people? Did you forget what it feels like? I agree with you no one is really happy with being fat and anyone who says so is trying desperately to be accepted or at least not hated/judge on every single thing they do. The thing is it takes people time to make that realisation of when enough is enough. Who are you to decide when the cut of point is for them to understand what it takes to change?
My issue was completely emotional. I had certain problems that led me to compulsively over eat instead of dealing with them. Some people drink, smoke, gamble, shop, have affairs, cut, pull hair…I could go on but you get the picture. Most people have vices. When my doctor stopped judging me and ranting at me and actually suggested counselling (which I paid for with my job that I managed to do despite my weight *gasp*) I managed to concur the reasons behind my eating and I lost weight. I lost a lot of weight. At first I used dieting and exercise excessively (not many people judged me then I can tell you) but after some more counselling I found a healthy balance and a healthy weight. I still do my job well, although I actually acknowledge that now as I’ve learnt to reward myself with that instead of food but my awareness hasn’t changed. My intelligence hasn’t changed. All that has changed is that I’m better at dealing with my emotions.
I will add though, just because I’m not fat anymore doesn’t mean I can judge anyone else for being fat. I don’t. I won’t. I never will because I can never know what is going through their mind just by looking at them. Just like the people who didn’t know what happened in my life to make me give up on anything but the comfort that food gave me. I guess the same people that judge fat people judge alcoholics, and drug addicts etc. It is easy to judge someone laying openly in the gutter for us all to see but no one but that person knows why they chose to escape in the first place. Maybe if can’t understand it, we are lucky to have never been in a situation where we felt we had no other options.
Jun 23, 2011 @ 8:46 pm
Fouberto
Well, its an interesting blog post. I do feel overweight people often have genetic factors that make it much harder for them to lose weight. I myself have always been on the thinner side of things, but I appreciate that someone with different genes would have a harder time to maintain a weight that I maintain easily.
I do not think your weight reflects your intelligence or capabilities. I don’t entirely disagree that if someone is very motivated and a go-getter, they probably will be better at reaching a healthy body weight, even if they have genes that make it harder.
I think being understanding is important. Its probably a balance between being understanding of the challenges overweight people face while also accepting that there is an element of self-discipline and being motivated and intelligent enought to navigate the weight loss process efficiently.
But, that being sad, please don’t be mean or look down on overweight people, that’s just cruel, isn’t that obvious to everyone ?!
Dec 26, 2011 @ 1:39 pm