RIP, Shearwey
The night we came back from Winthrop, I read about Shearwey.
About how her mother allegedly left her next to her car, went to pay for parking, and that her daughter had disappeared in a mere ten minutes.
My first response was deep sorrow mixed with anger. After so many, MANY reports of kids being kidnapped even in surroundings much more secure than the side of a road, how can a mother leave her four-year old child untended even for two minutes, much less ten?
Was the parking meter across a monsoon drain that she had to climb down through to get to that she could not take her child with her?
Was it in such a treacherous, ‘mar fan’ (Cantonese for troublesome) route that taking her precious child was riskier than leaving her behind on the side of a busy street?
And at the same time, I felt loathe to judge the mother, for we are all imperfect. We slip, so many, MANY times. We scald our children’s mouths from food we forget or are too impatient to let cool. We tell ourselves, what’s one more hour of TV or computer? We sometimes even leave them in the car because taking them in and out of the carseat for a five-minute errand seems like too much trouble. We yell at our maids for letting our children fall off the swing or let trip over furniture when deep inside, we are really blaming ourselves for not being there.
We are human, after all.
The problem is, we get away with it most of the time. And then something like this happens. We grab our kids and hug them, thankful that this tragedy did on befall us the times we were remiss. And we all start by blaming the mother because we recognise the failure in each of us: The failure to be perfect for our children.
This morning, I read this.
Needless to say, much of my empathy dissipated.
And yet, how can it be true? How can a mother kill her own child? To what end? Did her boyfriend not want to marry her because she had a child? Was little Shearwey in the way? Or was it an accident?
Whatever the case, it is too late. Whatever the reasons, little Ying Ying is now dead. She will never go to kindergarten or sing in a concert. Receive another ang pow or visit the beach again. Learn how to read or write.
Whether she’d left her daughter on the side of the road, or participated directly in her own child’s demise, Jess Teh will have the rest of her life to deal with her loss.
And that is punishment enough.
Posted in Imperfect World
July 9th, 2007 at 10:23 am
Oh God! I didn’t know they arrested the mother! I did think that the circumstances of the disappearance was odd. Whatever it is, I hope that justice will be served.
Poor Ying Ying… if it was really the mother, she should just have offered the daughter up for adoption - I’m sure lots of people would have loved to have raised her.
There was an article in the New Paper a few days ago about these twin toddler boys who have to spend their day, from 7am to late night, outside their HDB flat at the concrete void deck because they’re ‘too noisy’ and hence, disturbs their sister’s studies. Seriously, give me those boys lah…
July 9th, 2007 at 11:56 am
Sick to my stomach.
July 9th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
I just arrived back in Msia it’s all over the news. Everyone is talking about it.
Sigh. It’s such a pity.
July 9th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Dear Jenn,
I’ve been reading your blog off and on and there’s much I admire about it, especially your coverage of Malaysian politics and society. But for one very big personal reason, I never felt I could comment here. A few years ago, a close childhood friend of mine was raped and murdered. Let’s call her X — I think you’ll know whom I mean. You reflected on her death here, which was thoughtful of you, except for one thing you said that has rankled for years. Please forgive me if I’m misquoting slightly — I don’t have the time to search for the exact post — but what you wrote was something like, “let’s just say that if you knew X you would not be surprised that this has happened.” Well, I knew X quite a bit better than you did, and I was more than surprised when she was murdered; I was horrified. And I did not want to read about people who were not surprised.
Why am I bringing this up now, in response to this seemingly unrelated post? Not to be petty or vindictive. I’m revisiting that old story only because I believe there’s a connection. I understand your feelings about Shearway. But I feel compelled to speak up now because I was silent all those years ago and I shouldn’t have been: please, please — this goes out to you and to your readers — please refrain from spreading unsubstantiated rumors and gossip. I saw how noxious rumors could be was when X was murdered, and here it is all over again: “everyone is talking about it,” so it must be true. It was in the papers, so it must be true. You and your readers must have some idea how irresponsible the Malaysian media can be — particularly, I’m sorry to have to say, the Chinese newspapers. They’ll print anything without checking it. I know this for a fact, because I saw it happen four years ago. There is a reason we grant people the benefit of the doubt until they are proven guilty. It’s *so* important. You write so eloquently about Malaysia’s faults and strengths — I mean it sincerely when I say you’re a trailblazer in this regard. Why not use your voice to open Malaysians’ eyes to the danger of an unscrupulous and sensationalist media, instead of falling prey to that media yourself? I’m not saying Shearway’s mother is or isn’t guilty. I’m saying that right now, we just don’t know. We don’t know, and that’s all we should say on the matter.
At worst, premature and unconsidered judgements ruin people’s lives. At best, they really hurt not just the people we judge but those who love them. Reserve judgement unless you have all the facts. Please.
July 9th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Nellie, you are so right. What I said about X was flippant, I agree. I guess the person I knew way back when seemed to invite a lot of trouble - almost as much trouble as I did.
But no one deserves her fate - or Shearwey’s.
Which is why I believe that no matter what anyone says, a life is lost, never to be regained. Nothing anyone says or does will make things right, so we need to stop judging and to start understanding. I hope you got that from my post (like it or not, we are all flawed, even in our reservations).
Thanks for commenting here. It means a lot to me.
Najah, that is very bad. Are they doing anything about the boys?
July 9th, 2007 at 10:09 pm
Dear Nellie,
You are so right about the media here but if you think about it further, it’s not just the fault of the media alone.
People want to know the “details” of the horrible, horrible stories in the news. It doesn’t matter if the details are plain hearsay and supposition, as long as it feeds the public need for gossip.
I’ve spent some years doing news reporting for one of the Malaysian newspapers, and now I’m working in another capacity with media - it’s all the same rubbish. If it’s not sensational enough, then the editorial decision would be to hold back or omit information, write it creatively or plain-out lie. The attitude is that as long as there’s no high-powered politician or business person involved, the general public is fair game.
Sure, a retraction or correction can be printed but the newspapers in Malaysia do not view these matters as a big deal. Who cares to double check or triple check a fact, because we’re not ashamed of shoddy journalism practices anyway?
And obviously the reading public doesn’t mind - because that’s the news they want to read.
So what’s an honest person to do?
July 10th, 2007 at 6:48 am
Not to justify the irresponsible journalism but this is just a story on how the media plays into the progress/lack of progress the police make with a case. I posted something about this in X’s case as well.
Many years ago, a friend of mine was shot at a video arcade, execution style. I know this not from the papers but from his friends who were with him that day, witnesses who were locked in a toilet when he was being murdered. Long story short, it was a hit.
The story did not even make it to the front page of The Star and not even to the Mail, just small stories hidden within the folds.
You’d think this kind of story would be worth reporting. Well, my friend wasnt anyone important but the suspect was the son of a very rich man, so the story was suppressed.
Ironically, close friends and relatives of the victim tried to ’sensationalise’ the news by digging up more info themselves and reporting them, because they thought that if they tried to keep it in the news, the police would be pressured to find the suspect and arrest him.
No one has been arrested for my friend’s murder today and it’s been almost six years.
Everytime such horrible news is reported, I always wonder: 2/3rds of the facts may be wrong, but what made it newsworthy? How did it make it to the headlines? I questioned this in my post about your friend X as well. Clearly, this is the murder of a four-year old child and it is news enough. But so was my friend’s murder.
And yet.
July 11th, 2007 at 1:15 am
I guess part of the curiosity that encourages speculation in newsreporting stems from the public’s need to know, could it happen to me? We want to know the circumstances in which these events occur, as if these details can save us and our loved ones from a similar fate.
It’s interesting, and sad, that social class is a ‘guideline’ even when it comes to reporting of heinous crimes. Sorry to hear about your friend. I think the family and friends are right to use the media to raise awareness (sensational or otherwise) in order to put pressure on the authorities to do something.
****
As for the void deck toddler twins, the only action taken so far is the neighbours calling the paper. The reporters went to the boys’ home to get some answers from the parents who insisted that their daughter who went through similar experiences is fine. Then they said that this was a private family matter and closed the door. I’m not sure whether the relevant ministry was informed.