One of the fun parts about playing an online game is that people often forget – or choose to forget – that it’s Just. A. Game.

Yes, it’s fun! Hear me out.

Take the past week for example. I was enrolled into a guild and in a matter of minutes, the guild leader had very graciously taken me under his wing, after making sure that I was indeed:

1. An adult (to ensure he’s not caught talking dirty to a 12-year old on Anderson Cooper)
2. Not a man (there is no real way you can verify a person’s gender online except for “what is your preferred method of handling your period?”. “What is your preferred contrapceptive?” does NOT work).

 he had very presumptuously assumed that I needed lots of help. And so came the money, the bags, the escort services through instances and quests and what have you. And even having found out I was married in real life and was a mom, he was still very kind, although now he was a little more “forthcoming” with the fact that he was also married and a father of four.

One day, a guild member (a lady) and I were chatting on Guild Chat about kids and breastfeeding and of course, the conversation veered to boobs. She’d made a comment about “a mouthful being more than enough” and of course, we got the usual disgusted jeers from the single male majority of the guild.

A day later, our guild leader messaged me about the conversation. It went a little something like this:

T: So I overheard your little conversation with S.
Me: Oh yea, that was hilarious.
T: What was it you said? A mouthful being more than enough?”
Me: Oh no, that wasn’t me. It was about boobies!
T: I know. I could’ve sworn it was you…
Me: Nah, I don’t know who it was…hey wait. It was S. She said that LOL
T: Oh…
T: So how about your boobies?

By now I’m getting a little annoyed with the guy. I imagined this washed-out 40-year old beer gut trying to flirt with someone he knew was already taken. Plus the fact that I was trying to trade at the Auction House, which is Very. Serious. Business, if you’re strapped for cash, just made it more irritating.

Me: Okay, what are you doing dude?

The guy, who was practically firing /whispers at me, hesitates.

T: Seriously? I’m trying to stay awake…
Me: Why don’t you go to bed man? Tomorrow is Mother’s Day!

More hesitation. I imagine he’s Very Disappointed that I wasn’t going to discuss my breasts with him.

T: Well…I am making my wife biscuits tomorrow for Mother’s Day…
Me: That’s so nice! Good for you!
T: Well…I’m gonna go to bed…and see if my wife wants to join me…
Me: Okay dude. Gnite! And thanks for all the bags!
T: Nite.

Reality check, Guys (Especially Married Ones!) Who Play World of Warcraft or Any Other MMORPG. Those toons? NOBODY on earth looks like that. NOBODY!

Allow me to demonstrate.

This is me in-game (va-va-voom!):


And this is me, in real life:


Well, that was me five years ago when I was pregnant with Rae but I couldn’t find another pic of me seated at the computer.

So, three words, people.

Get A Grip!

ps. I also found a pic Lokes took of my breastmilk in the freezer from Sky’s birth:

My breast milk from Sky's birth

And I’m sharing this with you, why?

If me making like a whale and breastmilk does not wake you up from the insanity that is your addiction to make-believe, nothing will! You need help!