So I come back from a morning of drinking air and eating plastic carrot and fish, scrubbing off rusty scum from cans and pulling gross pubes from the drain to find that I’m now neck to neck with none other than the first lady of blogging.

(Vince I may be mistaken but is that the Overworked Housewife Card? Boy that is some shrewd blogging right there Vince. The woman is pulling out all the stops.)

I’ve been a long-time follower of Ms Dooce, so watch closely as she trumps me without even moving a muscle. And watch as I gladly slink away in defeat because if there’s anyone who truly deserves a Blogitzer, it’s her…

(Oh Lon you are right on the money ‘coz there’s her Pre-emptive Gracious Loser Suckass Card. This is a level of cupidity yet unseen on a blog, such an obvious attempt to hold on to the lead. What will the judges say? Oh this is just-…)

Excuse me while I go *whimper* lick my wounds.

(And the crowd goes wild! Vince, look at the tears on those faces, the emotion, the disbelief, the indignation. And yes, there they go. They are flocking to the polls to create fake email accounts to vote for this unbelievable piece of work that is The I’mPerfect Mom! Oh Vince, are we the only two people who can see through her crap? I can’t watch it myself, I can’t. Oh someone stop her, please.)


Okay why do I have the voices of poker tournament commentators in my head?