The last three days have been hell.

The pipes in my face are so clogged up with phlegm that my face hurts. My right eye feels as though it’s going to pop any minute and ooze green gunk. I can’t open my mouth without feeling as though my face is a hundred years old.

For the first time in my life, I took ‘severe cold’ medication in the form of a tablet. You should see the amount of multiple-syllable stuff in there. You could organise an entire spelling bee contest with this thing.

It’s really painful and not funny. I held out for as long as I could with Airborne and soup but nothing works and I can’t even talk without blighting the rest of humanity with disease and pestilence.

Which is why I’m here. Two words: Save yourselves!


ps. Skyler has just walked in half naked holding in her hand a diaper full of crap.