Adoption: More practical than primal
The topic of adoption once again graced our drive-home conversation this evening.
And as in the past, the subject was met with a mixture of incredulity and guilt, for Lokes is like most Malaysian men when it comes to ideas about raising another person’s child: That by not adopting, he is actually doing the child a favour because:
1. he will never love him or her as much as as his own children so that will be just cruel
2. he will be taking away the chance that this child may have better parents out there waiting for him
I know. It helps that I’m usually slightly drunk when the topic comes up, or I would not be calmly blogging this now but a weepy, drippy mess shaming my husband into admiting that he’s nothing but a selfish, heartless bastard.
Now everyone has a right to their own opinion about adoption. Not everyone feels the need to raise a kid to feel that one has contributed to humankind. God knows that there’ve been many times I’ve wanted to stop raising my children because I think four years is quite enough contribution. Adoption is just not for everyone. It’s a huge responsibility and commitment that a couple without sound financial backing, and sounder minds, should never undertake.
Why do I want to adopt? I’m 33 and am still of child-bearing age. I have no health problems that are stopping me from making another baby. God - and husband - willing, I could have another. And would.
But.
What would be the point?
We don’t need a third child. The whole world knows I have trouble handling just the two. The money situation isn’t really improving since yours truly has not written her bestselling smutty novel yet.
So why would I want to do an Angelina Jolie all of a sudden?
To be honest, I really do not know. Perhaps if Lokes were to miraculously see my point and agree with me, and we are all of a sudden on the road to adopting a child, I would most likely chicken out and persuade him to, instead, get a parakeet.
I mean, even the thought of it scares me at the moment. Three kids below the age of five? I will change my blog URL to TheInsaneMom.
And yet, it is such a practical idea.
If, five years down the road, when I’m not able to conceive safely anymore, when Rae and Sky are all grown up and not so cute anymore, when I’m approaching 40 and we have a little money set aside, and we want one more shot at being new parents: Why would we need to make a new baby when the world is practically overproducing?
Why would I want to subject myself to hormonal therapy in order to conceive or ensure safe passage for my future child, if I could simply ensure safe passage for one who’s present?
Because I want to? Because I can?
Surely that can’t be the basis of one’s decision to have a child.
Every year, millions of unwanted or unplanned children are born in the world.
And yet, people spend millions of dollars to conceive their own.
So, the question is once again: For those of us who already have children, and want more, what would be the point?
Because I can find no good answer for it, I am willing to consider adoption. It may be a weak reason to some but I think it is as good a place as any to start.
If nothing else, it is a practical one.
Posted in Imperfect Mom
March 29th, 2007 at 6:09 pm
I know lots of folks feel that way but if you can’t have kids for any medical reason, it is a good option. Kesian those kids who need a good home and a positive guiding hand.
have you thought of trying fostering young ones instead, or the Big Brother, Big Sister scheme? Find out how u can cope with it
might be worth something to look into .. (ok forget that english).
I think its a worthwhile thing to adopt, if I couldnt have any more kids on my own, I’d adopt (have to talk to hubby lol).. U will love these kids as your own, cos that’s how human nature is.
March 31st, 2007 at 5:50 am
adopt because you want another child. there is no difference between conceiving and adopting, it is our primitive way of understanding life and humanity that makes us differentiate between the two. humans are all created by and part of the one infinite intelligence. their mode of arrival onto this planet is immaterial.
March 31st, 2007 at 6:35 am
Yasmin: That is very true. Never thought of it that way!
Lia: I think the more dire thing I hv to do here is to convince Lokes hehe. I hope he reads Yasmin’s comment
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:19 pm
This comment comes late but I wanted to add my two sens. I come from a family with quite a number of adopted members, especially my maternal side. My mother feels so strongly grateful to her adoptive parents because she’s always said that she would’ve been just another kid in an huge family, with no good future prospects. Her adoption gave her a good life, she says.
It was actually my great grandmother who insisted that my grandparents adopt to provide a future and to leave a legacy.
Without her forward-thinking, I wouldn’t be here, I guess. I think my GGM was way ahead of her time. And to top it off, my GM had so much heart. My grandfather died when my mother and her sister were young, and she had to single-handedly raise the kids - and not just hers but some other relatives as well. There was always lots of people around.
My mother says it takes a big, big heart to love someone’s child. But I think she’s wrong there. Some people don’t love the children they make. It actually takes a big, big heart to realise that a child needs love and to be that person with the love.