The topic of adoption once again graced our drive-home conversation this evening.

And as in the past, the subject was met with a mixture of incredulity and guilt, for Lokes is like most Malaysian men when it comes to ideas about raising another person’s child: That by not adopting, he is actually doing the child a favour because:

1. he will never love him or her as much as as his own children so that will be just cruel

2. he will be taking away the chance that this child may have better parents out there waiting for him

I know. It helps that I’m usually slightly drunk when the topic comes up, or I would not be calmly blogging this now but a weepy, drippy mess shaming my husband into admiting that he’s nothing but a selfish, heartless bastard.

Now everyone has a right to their own opinion about adoption. Not everyone feels the need to raise a kid to feel that one has contributed to humankind. God knows that there’ve been many times I’ve wanted to stop raising my children because I think four years is quite enough contribution. Adoption is just not for everyone. It’s a huge responsibility and commitment that a couple without sound financial backing, and sounder minds, should never undertake.

Why do I want to adopt? I’m 33 and am still of child-bearing age. I have no health problems that are stopping me from making another baby. God – and husband – willing, I could have another. And would.

But.

What would be the point?

We don’t need a third child. The whole world knows I have trouble handling just the two. The money situation isn’t really improving since yours truly has not written her bestselling smutty novel yet.

So why would I want to do an Angelina Jolie all of a sudden?

To be honest, I really do not know. Perhaps if Lokes were to miraculously see my point and agree with me, and we are all of a sudden on the road to adopting a child, I would most likely chicken out and persuade him to, instead, get a parakeet.

I mean, even the thought of it scares me at the moment. Three kids below the age of five? I will change my blog URL to TheInsaneMom.

And yet, it is such a practical idea. 

If, five years down the road, when I’m not able to conceive safely anymore, when Rae and Sky are all grown up and not so cute anymore, when I’m approaching 40 and we have a little money set aside, and we want one more shot at being new parents: Why would we need to make a new baby when the world is practically overproducing?

Why would I want to subject myself to hormonal therapy in order to conceive or ensure safe passage for my future child, if I could simply ensure safe passage for one who’s present?

Because I want to? Because I can?

Surely that can’t be the basis of one’s decision to have a child.

Every year, millions of unwanted or unplanned children are born in the world.

And yet, people spend millions of dollars to conceive their own.

So, the question is once again: For those of us who already have children, and want more, what would be the point?

Because I can find no good answer for it, I am willing to consider adoption. It may be a weak reason to some but I think it is as good a place as any to start.

If nothing else, it is a practical one.