Entitlement
A few days ago, I had an epiphany.
It was the first day of DST, and turning the clock forward had somehow screwed up my internal clock and I had lain awake at 6am (when it was really just 5am), and part of my exhausted brain was crying for me to go back to sleep, when I’d decided instead to sit at my computer and look at my old pictures at Flickr, and I began a journey through time to when I was about six or seven.
As some of you know, back then, I was living with my Koo Ma, my dad’s older sister, at her hair saloon with the swinging doors a la a real cowboy saloon (except this was a hair saloon). Together, we were my Koo Chiong (my uncle aka her husband), my cousin sister, three or four shampoo girls and a family of nine or ten people who rented the floor upstairs.
My cousin was an only child, and she was given everything a child could possibly want. Living with her was bearing painfully envious witness to a life I could never have because, well, my parents were not as well to do.
Because she was their daughter, my cousin was ‘entitled’ to a lot more stuff than I was.
When we ate, she would always have the drumstick or whatever cut of meat was the best at the table, after which was my uncle since he was the breadwinner. And then it was me. My Koo Ma always ate whatever was left that nobody else wanted.
One of the things I remember most is how my aunt would make bird’s nest soup for my cousin. Back then, you had to clean the damn things out yourself. There was none of the ‘clean’ bird’s nest you find in the shops these days.
There is a distinct memory in my head of one of the shampoo girls or my aunt and even me, sitting at the dinner table at the back of the shop, pincers at the ready over a bowl of bird’s nest soaking in water, eyes squinting in semi darkness, pinching out microscopic specks of dirt sticking to the entrails of the’nest.
For hours on rotation duty throughout the day, we would do that until the nest was free of every offending piece of impurity. And then my aunt would boil it with rock sugar and maybe some lotus seeds, and at the end of the day, my cousin would come home from school, and single-handedly finish every drop of it.
It was all for her. All of it. That tiny bowl of bird’s nest the size of an oyster. Neither my uncle, my aunt, and definitely nor I, had ever taken even a small sip of the stuff.
At least I didn’t.
Entitlement.
It is a concept I’d learnt at a very young age.
Until recently, I’ve never had a problem with entitlement. I just thought that was the way the world was. Some people had all the luck. You win some, you lose some. Born with a silver spoon or under a lucky star, that sort of thing. There was nothing one could do, and it was certainly not something you could fight. Fate and all that jazz.
Thing is, what am I entitled to in this life?
A job? Two kids? A taste of bird’s nest at 29?
What can we say is really ours without stepping on toes or going over the line? And who’s to say what is ours? There are territorial lines and laws that safeguard the sanctity of life and against dishonesty and bullying these days, sure, but when it comes down to things like wealth and health and real freedom, who’s to say what it is we can and cannot have?
Who’s to say what it is we can do and cannot do?
I come from a country where entitlement is a basis of government. That is the way it has always been, and it will likely remain the same for a very long time.
I still remember my class teacher at Standard Six. Her name was Puan Kalsom. She was also our history teacher and one day, she was teaching us about the Malays and why they were entitled to privileges other races were not.
“It is because if you Chinese don’t like, you can run back to China, and if you Indians don’t like, you can run back to India. We Malays cannot run anywhere. This is our homeland. It is only fair we are entitled to these things.”
So you see, quite a few of us have gotten used to the idea of being – and remaining – a second-rate citizen. And to rock the boat would simply mean trouble.
Of course, things are very different today. Sitting here, being able to write about such things, is a very new experience even for me, an ex-journo. Back home, even thinking these things meant risking being hauled off under the Internal Security Act for inciting racial disharmony and after perhaps a long telling-off in solitary confinement, have May 13 1969 thrown in my face a couple of times for good measure.
And so what do we ‘more affluent’, Malaysians do?
We plan our escape.
And then we go.
To a world where the word ‘entitlement’ still means hope.
Here in the US, at the very least, the girls would be entitled to what was fairly and justly theirs as immigrants.
If they turn out to be rocket-scientist material, they would be given opportunities here in the US that they rightly deserve. In fact, they would very likely be wrestled away to be made into more ‘useful’ human beings than they could ever have been if they’d remained at home.
If not, they would at least be given the chance to try.
Which is, sadly, more than I can say for an average-income Chinese in Malaysia.
A lot of people, anywhere in the world, would be of the opinion that it is not unfair that I was never given a drumstick nor a bowl of bird’s nest since I was just a relative. A lot of people, anywhere in the world, myself included, still think that some people are just born lucky.
But I’ll be damned if I don’t try and fight for some of these entitlements for my kids.
And here, at least I can try.
Karen
You know what this makes me think of, Jenn? How non-bumis (in M’sia) work so hard to get into uni, to study a course not-of-their-choice, more like the left over vacancies…..I’m very grateful I never had to do that….so pointless….
Mar 14, 2007 @ 1:54 am
pelf
Well, I am one of those people who Karen describes *points up* Taking up something I have never thought of doing in the first place, at a place I never thought of going..
But Jenn, this is very well written. I found myself nodding from the first to the last word. I have such experience too though I was born in the 80s when “life” — in general — was more bearable (let’s see if I have time to blog about it)..
Mar 14, 2007 @ 2:04 am
Kelantan Gal
Is the system still like that? I thought the quota system for uni had been lifted? Now everyone has to compete on his/her own merit.
I feel the odd one out here… I never grew up with entitlement hanging over my head. I was told that if I tried my best, it would happen. The opportunities are there for me to take. I find it peculiar, having grown up in Kelantan, you’d think the differences of opportunities would have slammed me in the face.
Mar 14, 2007 @ 8:46 am
jennemede
Yea it was lifted three years ago, the quota thingy. But there is talk of reintroducing it again.
I dunno, I grew up under this ‘cloud’ of entitlement and affirmative action that it almost becomes like an expectation for me to NOT expect anything more, which is baaaad.
It’s a hard habit to break because deep inside there is still a disbelief that things can ever change for the better, well just because we’re not the majority, and race is still very much a determinant of our place in society, esp. when you’re stuck in the middle, us average-income folks.
But i think the last few years have shown tremendous progress, esp. when it comes to making our concerns heard. We still have a lot of ground to cover and it’s going to be rather rocky for a good many years but this is an interesting time to be a Malaysian.
Mar 14, 2007 @ 11:58 am
catchychan
Thank you for your post Jenn. I live in London and have done so for the last 10 years since I came over for my A-Levels. I’m at a crossroads in my life now, trying to decide if I should stay here or return to Malaysia. Your post smacks of truth and made me think of every step of my teenage life in Malaysia when I had to deal with ‘Entitlement’. To a certain extent, this entitlement syndrome exists everywhere in the world, but at least we (and potentially our kids) have a fairer chance of fighting for our entitlement in countries like the US and UK.
Mar 14, 2007 @ 12:17 pm
Lia
sometimes it seems like its getting worse. sigh. dunnolah.. a lot of times I think it’s the politicians themselves. for the most part, on a DAILY, average joe in the street, everyone seems to happily get along, ya know?
Waahh never had a history teacher macam tu! geeeez, u should have told her, there’s no way we can go back to china or india, we would stand out as foreign straight away!
there will always be prejudices etc. esp if we have a party system based on racial grounds..
oh well.. Im over here, see how we go..
Mar 14, 2007 @ 9:42 pm
leishia
its sad aint it. i for one, went thru the whole non-bumi journey starting from the edu system down to career opportunities, only to find myself growing older, knowing more, drifting further apart, and sadly, getting angrier and more frustrated with the life as a citizen here. ironically, voicing up wont do any good either!
until and unless i plan for my escape, i guess i gotta suck ‘em up and learn to smell the flowers, if theres any. heh.. Lord knows if i’m being contented!
Mar 14, 2007 @ 11:40 pm
jennemede
The problem with entitlement is also that it breeds. I became someone who also thought that if I had gotten somewhere or something, it was because I was lucky or talented or that it was just my place and time. Destiny, fate and, heritage all that. It took a while to convince myself that I could rewire myself, believe that I could make a difference in myself and in the world around me not because I was any of those things but because I tried.
Mar 15, 2007 @ 9:02 am
YvonneO
The meritocracy practice at our Malaysian universities is a farce. Students compete for places based on merit BUT within the racial quotas. So, it’s just another way to justify another racist program.
But I suppose if you had all these entitlements and benefits – wouldn’t you cash in on them? Why would you want to rock the boat?
I’ve always wondered to what degree of humiliation a person felt knowing that I know, that you know… whatever you’ve achieved academically and professionally and maybe personally… that it was never your achievement but that of a handout, that the playing field was uneven to start, that the other guy was forced to take a dive.
Why would any person want to handicap themselves like this?
Mar 15, 2007 @ 7:25 pm
jennemede
I know Malay friends who are ashamed of this entitlement and strive very hard to live up to their heritage. Alas, none of them are among the politicans who are in power.
Mar 15, 2007 @ 8:10 pm