To work or not to work, that’s the question
Lokes and I have been discussing a lot these days about me going back to work on a part-time basis. Money has been tight but ironically, it would cost us more if I did go back to work full-time because childcare here in Washington is just so NUTS it’ll make you want to go into the business of babysitting yourself.
Plus it would totally defeat our initial intention of wanting to raise our children better by just being there, you know?
Thing is, my in-laws will be coming for six months in March (everytime I tell one of my mom friends this, they go, “Oh. My. God. You poor thing!” or today, it was one of those polite, knowing smiles interrupted by, “Wait, is that a good or bad thing?”.
Anyway, so if they’re here, I can take on one of those work-from-home contracts, writing technical case studies for what my esteemed husband calls “a shitload of money”.
“You can TOTALLY do it!” he tells me today in the car. “They pay these guys like a thousand dollars a week, AT LEAST!”
I am hesitant. A familiar, stale taste forms in my mouth.
I’d dabbled a little in writing about enterprise computing in my career as a technology journalist back home, but decided ultimately to focus on video games and video cards. I’d told people biz tech was boring. The truth was, it was just too damn difficult for me. The supposed impact of e-commerce when only six people in the country were online. The Oracle vs IBM vs SAP Middleware Showdown. Getting the most ROI on your CRM. It just took too much grey matter, grey matter I did not have, or did not wish to expend. What do I care about supply chain management systems or the long term effects of outsourcing? Leveling my dwarven priest to 60 so we can stay alive in Molten Core (I know, so last year. I’ve stopped playing, so sue me)? Now that mattered because it made me happy. The evolution of ERP? Not so much.
And now, just when I’m getting some of my creativity back, am I to go back to spinning propaganda about something I care nothing about?
“Think of the money!” says my beloved.
“This is selling out,” I reply.
“Selling out is when you have a choice.”
Hmm. When did he get so smart?
Thing is, I can’t help but feel that I would’ve somehow failed in my brief stint as a SAHM, in my wanting to go back to work. Yes, part of me wants to, so badly, to contribute monetarily to our household, to lessen my husband’s burden. This is the Asian ethic at work, ladies and gentlemen. Where I come from, not earning money when you’re educated and have both your hands and your brains intact, when you’re still young, when you’re still strong, is considered irresponsible. Motherhood is a waste, they tell us. What are you doing, bumming around at home, they ask? Tsk tsk.
A large part of me, though, is determined to be here for my kids. No matter how hard it is, no matter how angry and frustrated and tired they make me, how close I’ve come to giving up, how many times I’ve reached the end of my tether, I know I am doing what’s right.
That by just being here, even if we have to tighten our belts, even if we aren’t able to enjoy the same luxuries as we did back home in Malaysia when both of us brought home a paycheck and we went on holidays and shopping sprees every month, even if I had to deny Raeven a $20 toy yesterday when everyone else got one, and ended up having to talk to her for the first time in her life about money, to my four year-old daughter, that still, undeniably, this is all worth it.
That I am here. For my girls. Come what may.
I dunno. Maybe I will pick up one of those three-month gigs, see how it goes. Tell them I need to work from home, at my own pace. And if they think I’m worth it, then I will make it worth their while. If not, at least I have my priorities straight.
Posted in Imperfect America, Imperfect Kids, Imperfect Mom
February 12th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Your brain amazes me. I love the way you think. This was so interesting to read, and I know you will make the right decision that works for your family.
February 13th, 2007 at 12:59 am
I know how u feel hun. It’s been very tough here too and yes I know the asian thing “Hah? u are a SAHM? aiyoo so much free time” “wasting your education by staying home with the kids”. I myself feel guilty for “sucking” our money, by not contributing money to the household income. What money I do earn freelance is paltry but something lor, better than nothing.
You are a good writer hun, and a survivor. I know you will find the right balance. Today I saw a financial planner, that helped us see things in a different light and where we could save money, consolidate or eradicate our debt etc. Would that be an option for you? You may be surprised in the way u can save the $$..
you wont sell your appmnt back home?Surely there are ways to save and find options?
February 13th, 2007 at 1:11 am
I’m not a mom yet, and I know I don’t have must say over what you choose to do with your family.
But I thought I’d let you know that my sister and I are very close to Mum, even until today, when we’re both 20+. We treat Mum like we do friends, I massage your back, you massage mine kind-of-friends.
I’m not sure whether this has anything to do with us growing up in a single-parent family, but you really don’t wanna miss those “first moments”, do you?
Good luck
February 13th, 2007 at 2:42 am
We are kind of in the same boat, in terms of being on tight budget, having to deny kids many material things but we are happy where we are and life is much richer when you are closer to nature. I mean my boys even agree that homegrown and homemade stuff are better than store-bought ones! I must have done a good job brainwashing
To think that Nicodemus is so excited abt his upcoming b’day party at home where he can only invite 2 friends while his friends have their bash at places like Roller City and Ace Space……..he can’t wait to help make his own b’day cake, pack the loot bags, plan the menu, have a sneak preview of the games mum’s planning…….all experiences that money can’t buy. So you aren’t bumming around at home….
February 13th, 2007 at 4:43 am
[...] After talking things over with don, he mentioned Jenn had posted something that concerns us in her blog entry. I don’t mean us as in me or don lah.. It’s an issue that we can relate to definitely. SAHM (stay at home mum) or WAHM (work at home mum) or.. how to generate an income. [...]
February 13th, 2007 at 6:26 am
i think it’s great how supportive lokes is, and how he believes in you
February 13th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
When I was little, my parents used to “deny” me stuff, not because they couldn’t afford it, but because they wanted to teach me the value of money, value of saving for such things. Till this day, even if I really really want something, I think about whether I really need it, whether I can save and buy it later. So if you see it in this light, maybe you won’t feel so guilty about not buying Rae a $20 toy. The earlier she knows money doesn’t grow on trees, the earlier she will appreciate your sacrifices.
On being a SAHM… gosh so much pressure on me too! When I was doing my Masters in the States, people back home would say, study for what, in the end also stay at home and take care of babies! Just marry-lah, no need to waster your parents money. #$%^
In future when I have children I really want to be a SAHM, but it irks me to know that these nay-sayers would have won. I know I shouldn’t care what these donkeys say but you know… it’s hard to do.
On the part-time work, maybe instead of taking time to do techno work, maybe you can go to the library everyday (so that there is no interruption) to work on your writing or comics, and then sell them for something. That can be fruitful too. Have you ever thought of writing children’s books? I’m thinking of writing them, maybe we can work together? E-mail me to brainstorm if you’re interested
In the end, do what you think and feel is best for you. Remember that nobody ever said that I wished I had spent more time working… most people on their deathbeds would say I wished I had spent more time with my kids/loved ones.
February 13th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Kel gal - hey sure. what do u hv in mind?
Adrienne, yea he’s sweet like that
Karen, yea it’s good to learn such things I guess, even if one is filthy rich.
Pelf - yup. I don’t want to suddenly realise that I don’t know my own children one day.
Lia - thanks, hon. You are full of kind words. I think visitng an FP is a good idea!
Karli - thanks girl! hugs
March 21st, 2007 at 2:03 pm
[...] I’ve blogged about it too. Where I come from, not earning money when you’re educated and have both your hands and your brains intact, when you’re still young, when you’re still strong, is considered irresponsible. [...]