Because eating Diaper Cheerios is NOT okay

One of the many well-documented symptoms that you’re well on your way to a lovely case of BecomingYourMotheritis, is a germinal addiction to yelling.

I come from a loud family. I don’t remember a time where anyone named Tai or Au Yong (my mom’s side) spoke in the normal tones employed in everyday conversation. From ordering food to asking about someone’s health, people often mistake my father’s deafening inquiries to be complaints, and my uncles’ (yes, uncleS – more than one) boisterous opinions to be incitations to violence. Is it any wonder half my relatives are deaf? Hepatitis B and genetic yelling resulting in hereditary deafness. So we’re loud, deaf and diseased.

I yell at my kids. There, it’s out. I’m not proud of it and God knows I try very hard every day to control myself, but you know what? It’s been a tough year with the move and all, plus the coffee doesn’t seem to be working anymore, so I let go occasionally. I am the Imperfect Mom. My foibles are right there in my URL.

But, my yelling is far from unfounded. I do draw a line between when I should hold my tongue, and when I should scream blue murder. Allow me to share with you the Three Things That All Mothers Should be Allowed to Yell at Their Children About (I read this somewhere, I can’t remember where, but I did not make this shit up).

Here they are:

1. When it’s not safe (“No Skyler! NO EATING CHEERIOS FROM INSIDE YOUR DIAPER!”)
2. When it’s a waste (“No Skyler! NO FLUSHING MONEY INTO THE TOILET BOWL!”)
3. When it’s against some of your family’s religious beliefs or moral boundaries (“No Skyler! NO TONGUE ON THE FIRST DATE!”)

Aren’t these truly the best reasons for yelling? Are they not sublime? Do they not make you feel so much better?

And the best thing is, these rules can also be applied for when you are unsure whether or not to allow your child to participate in a certain activity. For example, a trip to the park will be less stressful (and conducive to NOT yelling) if you tell yourself that as long as they’re not contravening any of the three rules, that it’s okay for them to explore and play with anything they like. 

Swing on the monkey bars? Go ahead, hon. Go down the huge slide? Of course! Eat sand? No Skyler NO!

Of course, for my Malaysian friends with maids, this is a method best employed when YOU are doing the babysitting. After all, we all have different safety standards when it comes to deciding whether or not to let our kids eat sand.

Or Cheerios from inside a diaper.

Now yell away!