Confessions of a one-year-old SAHM
Today marks the first anniversary of my stint as a stay-at-home mom.
A year ago today, my mother packed her bags, pushed then-one-year old Skyler into my arms (Raeven was with my in-laws, one floor down of our condo in SS2, Petaling Jaya), and bade me a hasty farewell. She had been confinement lady, nanny and part-time cook for me since Skyler was born as I was still working from home, and the magazine had been taking more of my time, not to mention the fact that I’d given birth ten weeks early, throwing our best-laid plans way off.
One year. What have I learnt? That for the first time in my life, I’m doing something that really takes everything I have. That I had underestimated the job. That far too few people truly appreciate and recognise what it is we mothers have to put up with to stay sane.
Add to that all the things I’ve had to learn coming to the US, and you have one very frazzled woman who constantly wonders if she’s made a Very Big Mistake.
The answer is no. My life is now for my girls. They make me laugh, cry, want to start smoking and drinking again. But I will never trade the time I now have to watch Skyler shake her bootie to Like a Virgin, or to marvel at how Raeven is changing from a somewhat spoilt little princess into a loving, thoughtful, slightly less spoilt preschooler er, princess.
Each time I witness something I’d never seen before, like when Skyler first danced to music or when Raeven first began using her imagination and introduced us to ‘Stopes‘, I know in my heart of hearts that I’ve made the right choice. And I realise, yet again, how blessed I am to be able to do this.
But Lord knows it has not been easy. I’ve burnt dinner, set the fire alarm off, scalded the roofs of both my girls’ mouths, screamed at my husband, cried in the shower and felt loneliness and emptiness so severe I thought I would never be whole again.
And yet, I’ve survived two moves, two kids and even two whole months without anyone to help me out when Lokes was traveling.
For these achievements, I am very, very, VERY proud of me. For now I truly grasp what my mom once said to me, that simply having children does not make mothers.
Trust a mother, MY mother, to know what REALLY matters.
Here’s to many more years of imperfect mothering.
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mom on a wire
Girl, you are amazing. I am lucky to know someone as smart and talented and funny and imaginative as you. And I would have never met you if you weren’t a stay at home mom. I’m glad you made the right choice.
Nov 13, 2006 @ 8:34 pm
mumsgather
Congratulations! You survived one year! Lol! I’ve had my fair share of tears in the shower too. Anyway, here’s to many more joyful years to come. Cheers!
Nov 13, 2006 @ 8:46 pm
See Ming
Congrats Jenn, we are very very proud of you! Hugs.
Nov 14, 2006 @ 12:29 am
Lia
Girl, kudos to you, you’ve made it, your first year!!! We’ve all had the crying moments or the monster mummy fits, can sooo relate
(except the princess part lol lol)
woohooo well done!!!!! I’ve never regretted an instant of being a sahm, despite the insanity of it all.. but u cant say it’s dull
Nov 14, 2006 @ 3:39 am
Meg
Very well put, Jenn. I, for one, never counted on the lonliness. Who knew?
Megin
Nov 14, 2006 @ 4:19 am
jennemede
Thanks so much guys. For one, I know I wldnt be able to make it without y’all
. God bless the Internet!
Nov 14, 2006 @ 7:03 am
Karen
I think this is one of the best posts you’ve ever written, and thot I should just let you know that. I would have never dared to attempt half of what you have done so far…I have my mum and a maid to help out with my kids and I’m still complaining. After reading your blog, I regret writing about my mundane life revolving around Lego and clam digging. I feel ashamed…hahaha…Happy aniversary!
Nov 14, 2006 @ 9:30 am
Kelantan Gal
I don’t have kids yet, but am thinking of staying at home when we do have kids. Your blog gives me a good insight of what a SAHM has to do. THANK YOU for sharing.
Nov 14, 2006 @ 10:36 am
Barbara Ng
Congrats to you Jenn. I’ve always admire your strength, determination and great sense of humour.
Nov 14, 2006 @ 9:19 pm
Najah
“But Lord knows it has not been easy. I’ve burnt dinner, set the fire alarm off, scalded the roofs of both my girls’ mouths, screamed at my husband, cried in the shower and felt loneliness and emptiness so severe I thought I would never be whole again.”
This post couldn’t have come at a better time. I haven’t gone as far as the US, but Singapore is far enough from the life I once had. Sometimes I do have the “have I made a very big mistake” moment, and then I catch a glimpse of Idris’ hair catching rays of sunlight, or that very special quirky facial expression just reserved for me, and all the fear and insecurities just melt away.
I’m not brave enough yet to think of attempting number two, I just hope that when the time comes, you’ll still be writing!
By the way, I think I met your husband before, once a long long time ago when I was working at Cradle.
Happy 1st SAHM Anniversary!
Nov 16, 2006 @ 6:40 am