Sound familiar?

Some people have a very odd philosophy. On the strength of a chance, they willingly avoid sharing information with certain parties that they think will get them into trouble.

Of course, when the cat is out of the bag, they will face a redder wrath, than if they’d willingly volunteered the info in the first place.

A friend of mine told me today that she found out her boyfriend had visited a lady friend that she knew to be what one would call A Skanky-Assed Bitch. He had deliberately kept it from her because he thought that she would get all jealous and they’d argue etc, because whatever we say about NOT getting upset, we still will.

Of course, the argument came and went. A lot was said, with far too little actually understood. She asked me if total honesty was too much to expect from one’s partner.

This is a fascinating, albeit slightly dangerous, subject to discuss over high tea and biscotti. I remember once when Lokes received a DKNY tie from a lady colleague for helping her get this really difficult client at work sorted out. Fearing that I would find out, he hid that tie in his notebook bag for a year. One day, while looking for something in his bag, the tie fell out. This lovely orange, checkered, very fashionable DKNY tie which was easily over RM400.

When I asked him about it (since it fell out in front of me), he told me that so and so gave it to him.  

Why? Because he helped her with something.

What? Some clientlah.

But this is a DKNY tie. You don’t even wear ties. How I know? She just left it on my desk one day (getting annoyed).

And you just accept a RM400 gift, like that? Why cannot wor?

When was this? A year ago. Why are you asking so many questions?

Because you’re not giving up the information very freely, that’s why.

The thing is, I have total confidence that my husband isn’t having an affair with this generous colleague of his, not only because I trust him, but because I know he’s just not rich enough for her (even for a fling). Yes, it is slightly disturbing but comforting nonetheless to know that sometimes, how attractive one’s husband is to others is directly related to how much he makes.

So why did he think that telling me about the tie would get him into trouble? And what difference did it make, me discovering it a year later AND showing him the business end of a hissy fit?

“It’s a gamble,” he said. “At least I delayed the inevitable for one year.”

It’s bizarre really, this need to be so secretive about something that should be totally harmless. Okay, maybe an expensive gift from a colleague is iffy but still, the right thing to do would be to at least TELL your other half someone gave you a slightly inappropriate gift simply because it can pay for your month’s groceries bill.

Is not wanting to argue a good reason to suppress info you KNOW you should share, like going to meet a person you KNOW has something for you?

Total honesty is farcical, but I think the deliberate withholding of information (which is just one step away from outright lying, I believe) to avoid an argument is just cowardice. It’s one thing to think something is harmless and therefore not mention it. It’s quite another to work overtime to ensure that your partner does NOT find out about this supposed harmless thing on the basis of wanting to avoid conflict.

It’s too much like being extra nice to your spouse AFTER you’ve cheated on him/her.