A friend told me today that TIM is still on Page One of Google’s search results for “Malaysian mommy blogger”. And I still receive one request every few weeks for an ad exchange. And I haven’t updated this baby in over three years!

I can’t promise updates will be regular from today onwards but I will try very hard to put some time into this blog :)

So to catch you up, here are some more recent pics of the girls. They are now seven and ten, yikes!

Seattle mommy blogger: Back from the dead

Seattle mommy blogger: Back from the dead

Seattle mommy blogger: Back from the dead

They are both in grade school now, which is primary school in Malaysian parlay. Sky is in first and Rae in fourth. One more year and Rae will be in middle school, which is like junior high.

My business is still going strong and has eaten up most of my time. Running a business in the US is an ongoing adventure, but I’ve made many friends in the industry. I LOVE IT.

Seattle has become home and we are considering seriously the notion of becoming citizens. I have some reservations but I reckon with all that’s happening in Malaysia, the decision (when the time comes to make it) won’t be too difficult.

I will be back in July for six weeks to visit home and work a wedding. I am excited to also visit Perhentian for a vacay, show the girls a REAL beach and warm ocean water! Six years of almost daily rain has made me appreciate our tropical paradise SO much more :)

Until later, you can follow me at my Facebook page for my business, or twitter for more regular updates!


Yay for Sunshine!

We had another of pure, unadulterated sunshine today. 

So yay!

This is totally off-tangent but the thought of having a child at my age really stuck with me all day today. I am afraid of having a child with Down Syndrome. Is it totally irresponsible for me to even try? It’s like a one in 22 chance these days. 

I am a little sad.


If kids daydreamed more, moms would get a lot more done.

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Another one bites the dust.

This kind of news always makes me wonder what to believe.

Is it more ludicrous to believe that there is a god that allows these sorts of tragedies to take place just to make us need him more, or that this 17-year old boy will not face an afterlife of eternal torture for what he’s done because there IS nothing after death?

I have a very inquisitive almost-seven-year-old and Lokes and I have a philosophy of telling her the truth in a way we are sure she understands for a child her age. She’s asked about babies, death, religion. Each time, we’d hesitate, saying, “Give me a minute to find a way to explain this very important thing to you.” Ultimately, we’d only answer her question in a very limited, compartmentalized manner.

When she was about five, she asked what happened when people died. We told her that we buried them or turned them to ash, but they lived on in our hearts as memories. She was a little sad about that because she was thinking about her grandparents (they’re still alive and well but she was in a contemplative mood).

When she asked about babies, I answered, “Something called a sperm from daddy and an egg in Mommy, when they are put together, makes a baby that grows in Mommy’s tummy.” Her answer was, and is always, “Oh.” And she’d walk off to ruminate. She never asked how the sperm would get there.

One day, she asked if everyone was Christian, because she was reading a picture bible someone had bought for her a long time ago. We never stopped her because to us, it’s still knowledge. I told her that people have different beliefs how things work in the world, and that Mommy and Daddy believe in science. She was happy with that answer, being somewhat of a science geek herself.

I wonder what I’d say if she asked why that boy shot all those kids (children these days are very observant and I won’t be surprised if someone from school starts talking about it). Frankly, I’d be stumped. I can’t say he was nuts because he may very well just be evil. Is evil a kind of mental disease? Psychologists have been debating this for centuries. 

What would you say if your child asked you about why bad things happen to kids? What would you say if she or he asked what happens when this bad person takes his own life?

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So Lokes and I have been “discussing” another baby. More like me telling him my time is almost up and him claiming he’s not heard of it until now (“I knew you wanted three but not like, really want it.”).

Why do I want a third baby? To be honest, the reasons are not practical at all. I think having babies has stopped being practical the day we hit 1 million unwanted babies in the world, thus procreating has been selfish since 1952 so I’m NOT the first woman in the world to want a baby because I’m hormonal and craving for that new baby smell again.

Perhaps it’s because I’ve been photographing new babies.

Baby E 

Perhaps it’s because I am reminded everyday when I look in the mirror that I’m getting older (36?! ARGHHHHHH).

And that some things really can’t be postponed indefinitely. Perhaps it’s because Sky is going to be five end of the year and Rae has been asking for a baby sister or brother and only God knows why because she seems to despise the one sibling she has (as all firstborns do).

And because I’ve always wanted three. Three, I think, is a great number. The triangle is the most stable of all geo structures. I’ve always had two best friends. I love P Ramlee’s DO RE MI. I am a big fan of the word “triumvirate”. The occasional threesome can be fun if I’m a more secure person. 

THe only practical reason I think for having a biological child is – and I know this sounds horrible but practical is rarely romantic – to save its cord blood. And it’s not even FOR the baby. It’s for the rest of its family. I told you it’s horrible but if you want a practical reason for having a baby, there it is – longevity. 

And yet, I am unsure. I am at a point right now where I’m comfortable. Contented. The girls are able to play nicely without accidentally killing themselves (but they ARE in danger of killing each other). Pretty soon, both will be in school and I’ll have more time to focus on my photography. Lokes and I can have a sitter over nights so we can take a nap at the theatre. 

But there’s the fact that we are raising two females in the household, which actually takes more maintenance than males. We have to contend with social pressures much earlier (“BUT ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE JONAS BROTHERS GLITTER STICKERS!”), worry about body image issues (“WHY DO YOU WANNA LOSE WEIGHT MOMMY? IS THIN BETTER THAN FAT?”), making sure they understand why they can’t sit with their legs wide open like Daddy (“THAT’S JUST THE WAY IT IS!!”). What will having a third child do to the already state of perpetual panic Lokes and I are in raising two girls in a strange land with strange people who believe that children are equal to adults and that it’s crucial for kids to take 15 minutes to work out why five plus five is ten

So the question is still hovering up in the air above us each day, mocking my rickety ovaries and causing Lokes to break out in cold sweat each night. Maybe with enough new lenses and assignments I’ll realize that I really don’t need another addition to my bevy of self-produced models. After all, Lokes is turning out to be quite good at following orders:

Jowling fun

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Hi Random People Doing Weird Searches and Comment Spambots,

Gosh, I haven’t blogged in such a long time it feels weird to be sitting here wondering what to write about. Wait, what are you doing here anyway? What am I still doing on your RSS feed? Actually it’s because I was cleaning up my Google Reader did I actually remember I still had a blog. Poor blog.

It’s not that I’ve stopped being imperfect or being a mom, just that I don’t really feel like writing about motherhood anymore. I’ve never really grasped why people would want to read about my mundane goings-on or look at pics of my kids pretending to be the best kids in the world when they really are just most of the time NOT listening or wanting to eat their veggies and NOT wanting to pick up their toys, just like everyone else’s kids.

I guess I SHOULD do a little update once in a while, for the benefit of you. Yes, you, mom. And dad. And See Ming. 

Rae will be seven in three months. Gosh, what can I say about Rae that doesn’t end up being some cathartic revelation on the stress of having a high maintenance kid. She’s everyone’s dream guy – smart, sensitive, silently brooding. Sky is almost 4 and a half. She’s into Power Puff Girls these days and will walk around kungfuing total strangers (in a cute, not-annoying-at-all-way, of course). She’s still our little foodie, always interested in what’s on your plate.

I am still on my weight loss journey, although I’m not very motivated these days. Lokes is still sickeningly thin. And yes, still doing my photography. And that’s it. 

Well, I’ll think of something better tomorrow, hopefully. Or maybe it’ll be another six months, who knows?

Dear Silly Woman,

Firstly, congratulations. You’ve brought the classic Singaporean/Malaysian condition to a whole new level. That’s right, acting stupid (or what we call “act blur”) and sticking to your story is actually working. In fact, it is the best legal defense you can have right now. Your lawyer knows it. You know it. We smart Malaysians and Singaporeans know it but cannot believe it because it is so obvious and most of us are probably wondering why you Americans make laws that let police officers paint themselves into a corner like this. Ku-fuckin’-dos. 

But do you really want to go down in history as the irresponsible, few-fries-short-of-a-happy-meal chicken-shit mom who may or may not have done it, or Evil Party Girl who Deviously Murdered Her Child so She Could Date in Peace?

Seriously, think about it.

If you’re acquitted, either way, you will be nicely mobbed for the rest of your life. Wherever you move in the US, you’ll be recognized (don’t even bother changing your name, I mean, where are you going to go? Sarah Palin has already put Alaska on the map). Perhaps you can move to Malaysia or Singapore but if you decide to revert to your old ways, I promise you that act blur defense will not work, girlfriend, because if that were so, half the criminals in our jails will be acquitted. 

But if you’re convicted, let’s see. From what we’ve learnt from Hollywood, you’ll either be in solitary confinement for the rest of your life (if you’re diagnosed evil) or be treated very badly in prison by women who have the balls to admit to their sins. That can’t be comfortable. I mean, SERIOUSLY consider your options here, kiddo. 

You gotta admit, Casey. Things are NOT looking good right now, either way. So you need to ask yourself: Do you want to die slowly on the outside or be seared forever in the memories of those of us who watch Nancy Grace, on the inside? 

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